A Little Love Song to the Twizzler.

Posted on 5/24/2006 by cheesefairy

Oh my god. How can I love candy so much? I have just eaten my daily allowance of Sour Soothers (so determined by the nutritional information on the tub, which states that 10 Sour Soothers contains 140 calories and 12% of my carbohydrate intake for the day [to which I reply: HA!], therefore 10 is enough) and I could easily eat double that were it not for the inevitable tummyache. Plus I already ate 5 Twizzlers.

Speaking of Twizzlers! Prior to two weeks ago, I would have called myself a Twizzlers enjoyer… as Twizzler Lover would have just been too extreme. But as of recently, I have discovered a new relationship with the Twizzler. These allegedly strawberry-flavoured horse-hooves that pass for edible candy have stolen my heart.

Two weeks ago, I bought a small package of Twizzlers. I think I wanted to eat something red, it was just that arbitrary. And I ate them and ate them and they were SO GOOD. So a week later I bought a giant package of Twizzlers because they were cheaply sitting in a post-Easter sale bin and I have been very good, only eating a couple a day but I could actually eat them all. I could. The love (it is not a craving, it is True Love Forever) is that strong.

Twizzlers are the perfect mixture of textures: slightly gummy and slightly firm, a little greasy. Just the right amount of chewing, to satisfy the chewiness craving, but not so much chewing that the mass is pulverized before the flavour is freed. Then the flavour itself – not strawberry-like at all, but cautiously sweet. Cautiously, sweetly optimistic: Twizzler.

Posted in babby, food | 3 Comments

Two Words

Posted on 5/20/2006 by cheesefairy

Long weekend.

Dairy Queen.


Pecan Mudslide!

35 weeks.

Posted in babby, food, outside | 5 Comments

The Morrissey/Buble Connection

Posted on 5/19/2006 by cheesefairy

Ordinarily I wouldn’t interrupt your busy lives to tell you about my dreams. But I want this on the public record so that if, in a few years, it should come true, I get money or at least props.

It was a short dream. Actually it was a snapshot. It was an album cover. Michael Buble had recorded an album of Morrissey songs.

It was this face, done kind of like this.

Ever since, I have been trying to imagine a syrupy crooner like Buble smearing his pouty, velvet vocals all over the maudlin, sardonic tunes of Moz. (gee, guess which one I like better?) The effort of this imagining has caused my head to collide with itself and not in a pretty way. Picture “We Hate it When Our Friends Become Successful” done all fake-loungey with finger snapping. I am so popular on the bus, I swear. Even Saint Aardvark ignores me these days.

But hey – if William Shatner can do “Common People” and Tom Jones, apparently, can do whatever he wants, including “Lust for Life” with the Pretenders (and what a horrid, horrid noise that was), I think Buble should go for it. Maybe he’d gain a bit more crossover appeal. At the very least, I’d give him a couple more years to live.

Posted in music | 3 Comments

Oh? Are my Eyes Bleeding?

Posted on 5/16/2006 by cheesefairy

Goddessa smites Wordperfect. Goddessa smites those who force her to use Wordperfect. Goddessa smites those who insist on everyone using Wordperfect when hardly anyone knows how or wants to learn, particularly because they frequently interact with people who use Microsoft Word and all the files have to be converted anyway.

Goddessa smites those who further insist on everyone using the same template for a project when the template was created by someone who a) doesn’t know how to use Wordperfect and b) probably doesn’t want to use Wordperfect just as much as Goddessa doesn’t for such a task and is thus punishing everyone who comes after him/her by creating the stupidest fucking template in existence.

Goddessa wants to punch her computer monitor! But instead, a deep breath, some radio paradise and a damn good smiting will have to suffice.

All of you to whom the first two paragraphs apply: you done been smote!

Posted in Goddessa Smites You | 6 Comments

Assorted Notes

Posted on 5/12/2006 by cheesefairy

At the Skytrain station today a nice man handed me an oat bar. I think there should be free snacks at all the Skytrain stations. All the time. Get rid of the viral paperhawkers and replace them with viral snackhawkers.

My new band name is either:
The Snackhawks
or
The Megafaunic Foo.

Speaking of bands, last night Saint Aardvark and I toured the hospital where I will deliver babby, barring unforseen circumstances. And in our tour group? The former lead guitarist of The Rising Suns and his wife, also with child. Wack!

Don’t worry: if this means nothing to you, it’s just because you didn’t attend UBC with me and my friends in 1991 – 7. Yes it took me 6 years to get a BA. Shut up.

So: those who have recently delivered at BC Women’s Hospital. Got any tips? Whose butt do I have to smack to get one of the swank birthing suites on the top floor? The ones with the skylight and the fridge in the room? The ones that look like TV?

Got to work this morning, finally, sigh, how I hate commuting, and checked my email. Gmail advised me of this story about a new Stilton Cheese Perfume. In that I used to smell like cheese and this is the CHEESEblog, this is highly relevant and I thank gmail for alerting me. (Sometimes I think gmail knows me better than I know myself.) My suggestion if you want to smell like the – allegedly “mellow” – blue cheese named Stilton is to save the $50 you would have spent on perfume and get a job in a cheese shop for a day. The smell of cheese? Takes years to wash off.

Here are some highlights from my past few days at work (only 13 more to go!):

Interviewer (me): What would you say is one of your weaknesses as an employee?
Interviewee: Hmmm. Well, I’m late sometimes. I have trouble getting out of bed.

People! If someone asks you what your weakness is? Don’t tell the truth! Make something up, something that could be CONSTRUED as a weakness but isn’t really. Like: I’m addicted to helping old ladies across the street. Or: sometimes I get so busy filing I forget to take my lunch break! Am I the only person who lies like a fiend in job interviews?

I also enjoyed this exchange:

Me: What is your relationship to the candidate for whom I am checking references by calling you?
Reference: I’m her half-sister.

No, no, no.

On the bright side, there were doughnuts in the kitchen and I ate one that looked like a fritter but, in a thrilling turn, was stuffed with caramel goo! WOW! I love caramel goo.

Posted in babby, cheese, food, idiots, outside | 6 Comments