To the people in line in front of me at Trees on Granville:
You are such good people to buy your friend who is having a baby next week a cheesecake. I even forgive you for not knowing what to write on the cake. (my suggestion is: Do Not Share This Cake! It Is Your Cake!) If you run out of friends, please contact me.
To the blood lab where I tried to go and have a glucose screen this morning:
Maybe 2 people on reception? Just a thought.
To the guy who wedged his big ass up next to me on the bus and stayed wedged up next to me even after all the seats on the other side of him were empty:
Did you feel my baby kick you? Because it did.
To a work colleague:
If you are going to put a link to your new website in all your email correspondence, consider finishing building that website. If I see any more of those adorable “under construction” .GIFs, I am going to bop you on the head just like little rabbit foo foo was not supposed to with those field mice. Notice how little rabbit foo foo’s motivation is never explored? I bet he has a really good reason for bopping those mice on the head. I bet those mice are really goddamn annoying.