I’m Hot Because I’m Fly!

Remember a ways-ago when I realized I didn’t care what I looked like anymore?

That passed.

Now I am leaving the house every day and going through several countries (okay, transit zones) only to end up smack in the middle of downtown, where the chic are. It didn’t occur to me that this would present a problem, but because I am also attempting to reason with a body doesn’t have the same features as my old, pre-baby body, (there’s no CD player, for example. The CD player was standard on my old body) it kind of does.

In 5 days of work – and work-clothes and work-clothes-commuting – this is what I’ve learned:

1. If the pants fit great at the beginning of the day, don’t wear them. By the end of the day they will be too tight.
2. Despite the 40 lb weight gain with pregnancy and subsequent loss after baby, I still have no butt. Only now, my waist and hips are almost the same circumference so really not those pants that make my butt look like the sheer rock face in Mission: Impossible.
3. I HAVE NO PANTS THAT FIT. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?
4. No matter how many times I dig through my drawer in the morning (or the night before) I will only have one shirt that goes with all the airy summer skirts I own. One shirt. The other 45 shirts? Do not go. Maybe they are the wrong colour. Maybe they shrank in the wash (arrrrhhhhghghghghghggh). Maybe they make me look like Topsy McBoobs. I have airy summer skirts – which are my preferred bottom dressing in Hot Summer Weather – that I cannot wear.

I can only assume that it was my other personality who went shopping, tried things on and came home with bags; or that my body shape is changing again, as we speak, as I write this, and if so I should really be staring at it to catch it in the act instead of writing this but

but.

It’s not really that I have no clothes that fit. It’s that I have no clothes that fit where clothes that fit = Hot Summer AND Office. I have clothes for each of those events individually. How was I to know that the moment I went back to work, the weather would get 10 degrees hotter?

Yeah, I should really have known that. I know.

Also, I need a haircut.

Grumble. Tuesday. Bah.