Midi Friday: Boy, Do Chicks Ever Smell Bad

Yesterday, after a lazy, sunny lunch, Co-worker A said, “Is it time for midi Friday?”
And I said, “Hell yes!”

Midi Fridays started last year. I’d be at work, times would be a little slow around the office and I would get a song craving. “I need to hear ‘Oh Sherrie,'” I would sigh. But because I was at work and downloading music used to be not cool there (and now is impossible), I would find midis, play them, satisfy the craving and move on. Oh, and one time I blogged about it. Now I can only blog from home so we’ll do Midi Fridays on the blog after hours. Partay.

Midi quality (and google’s awareness of midi sites) has greatly improved since last year. “When Doves Cry,” was Co-worker A’s request and I found a spectacular rendition. SpecTACular. They really committed, you know? The big fun is playing all the other midis and singing along. Especially if it’s “Welcome to the Jungle” or “In the Summertime.”

I think people in the office are probably very glad I’m back. Ha ha ha. No. Not really.

So here, from Joann’s site, is When Doves Cry and for those of you who actually LIKE Prince so much that you couldn’t listen to a midi version because blood would spurt out of your ears, I offer, from Bennie’s site, (Bennie, apparently, inspired Joann to make her own midi site) a kickass version of Don’t Fear the Reaper. There is plenty of midi cowbell, don’t you fret.

Now that it’s Saturday afternoon, I have been watching a fabulous show called “The Model Life.” A supermodel decides to help one young hopeful become the next supermodel. Wait, wait! It’s not Tyra! It’s another supermodel named Petra. And there are only 6 hopefuls AND they’re from all over the world AND they look like women who might actually be able to make a living from their looks.

It’s on The Learning Channel. You know, for learning.

Speaking of, I saw a commercial during “The Model Life” for Vagisil, the anti-itch cream for your genitals. There’s a woman looking at herself in the mirror. She is dressed neatly and is applying lipstick, but her reflection tells a different story. Her reflection has unwashed hair, is wearing no makeup and in fact has pulled over her head the hood of a dirty, grey sweatshirt. The Voice informs us that our (women’s) lives can really be challenged by vaginal odour. We can look as great as great can be, but if we smell, we don’t FEEL great. To quote directly, “It’s the itch you just can’t scratch.” (not in public, anyway)

But it’s OK! There’s a solution! Anti-itch cream that makes the odour go away too!

Where I come from, if your crotch itches and smells, those are two clues that you might want to get to a doctor. But then I thought – maybe this is a chronic condition common with today’s modern woman and I am just lucky it hasn’t happened to me?

So I went to Vagisil’s site and sure enough, it seems that everyone except me is plagued by a perfect storm of vaginal wetness, odour and itching. From pre-teen on! Vagisil offers a variety of solutions, including foaming wash to soap your bits between showers and anti-wetness powder to Absorb Odour Before it Starts! They also will sell you a self-assessment kit to help you determine whether your itching, odour, etc is due to normal woman-funk or whether you need to see a doctor.

Here, this is free. Go here and check your symptoms. Alternately, here are some tips I’ve accumulated over the years: pee after sex, never douche, stay away from too-tight knickers made of polyester, have safe sex, get treated for STDs immediately, wipe front to back and if you’re on antibiotics, take acidophilus (or eat yogurt – blech) to keep your healthy bacteria flourishing.

If it’s not an infection and you itch, stop getting Brazilian waxes.

If you smell like fish, see a doctor.

If you smell like you, give yourself a hug.

If you smell toast, it might be a stroke.