Crab People! Crab People!

On Saturday we went to Superstore. I love Superstore. I think I probably shouldn’t, because it’s Big Box and it puts all the Little Boxes out of the Box Business but I shop Little Box when I can. Like, all the time. I am surrounded by Little Boxes. OK.

I love Superstore. Affordable canned goods, the ice cream I like, no-name brand food that tastes better and has fewer additives than brand-name food (my cousin, who was in town last week, told me the only baby formula she found that didn’t have MSG in it was the Superstore no-name brand) and now they also sell clothes. The clothes are called Joe. $8 t-shirts. $19 pants. When I go back to work I am totally going to Superstore for my new wardrobe and I’ll have enough money left over to stock my bottom desk drawer with crackers that will go stale and strange animal candy that will harden with age. Three cheers for the administrative assistant! She always has weird shit in her drawer!

On Saturday we went to Superstore. We had booked a car for a few days so that Trombone and I could move freely to my parents’ place and back since the aunt, the cousin & her two kids were visiting. It was a station wagon so we figured we’d stock up on groceries and now that Trombone is 7.5 months old we figured he was ready for Superstore.

Without getting all gauche, we spent a lot of money at Superstore. Buttloads. We bought two of everything in the store because who knows when we’ll be back. As the checkout clerk was swiping our last item, she said, “Do you want the free gift?”

“Uh,” said I.
“It’s 3 lbs of Alaskan King Crab Legs,” she said, bored with it. She had probably already made this pitch a few times – it was almost 4 pm. But we had never qualified for a gift! We didn’t even know there was a gift!
“Uh,” said I.
“Sure!” said Saint Aardvark.

Because. We like free stuff. But crab legs?

Now every time I open the freezer, which is not infrequently because my ice cream is in there, I am startled by the reddish-pink, two-foot long crab legs that fit perfectly in the top shelf of the freezer door. They look like giant spider legs. They look like nothing I have kept in a freezer of mine, ever. Right, I think, once my heart has slowed to its normal rhythm again, crab legs. And then I giggle.