I couldn’t be farther from a focused mood right now. I’m up in my sunny, quiet bedroom while Fresco sleeps (in his crib! 3rd naptime in a row!) and Trombone is out at a birthday party with SA. I printed off the stories to review for Tuesday night’s writers group and I uploaded my own half a story. I had written it all the way to the end but then realized that I didn’t like the way it went so am going to write an alternate ending but I don’t want to do that right now. There is a paragraph I intend to cut from it that I am going to paste below, just because it made me feel so good to write it but I really don’t think it fits in the story. Are words wasted or well-spent when you get them out of your head but can’t use them on paper?
I never blame the receptionist. I have been the receptionist. It is a demoralizing, stop-gap job. It is the job you do to pad your resume and collect excellent references. Beth the receptionist never gets to go to the bathroom without telling someone else about it. She has to smile with greased teeth like a beauty queen at every sad sack that walks through the front doors. She has to unstop the toilet when a salesman clogs it with his giant, meat-eaters shit. She has to plan the company picnic and answer the phone with a smile in her voice and do everything everyone wants, whenever they want it. I do not blame the receptionist.
Later in the story I make some other crack about receptionists and it’s just as jarring; the narrator / heroine of the story is not a receptionist and hasn’t been one for a long time and really doesn’t need to hold all that bitterness, you know? There is no other indication, throughout the story, that she’s all focused on receptionists, yet these tiny, biting comments appear every now and then that make you think, when you’re reading, that there’s going to be a big receptionist massacre at the end.
Or a receptionist revolution.
Oh hey, guys, remember #reverb10?
Remember when I said my word for 2011 would be “unafraid”? I remembered that today and initially thought, oh no. I haven’t done anything unafraidedly this month. But then, I realized I have!
1. Posting fiction out here for all to see..that has been scary but I am determined to see the words as just words, not precious baby grapes that might get squished. (and I’ve been so, so spoiled by your positive, happy comments whenever I do. Thank you millions of times over.)
2. Answering the phone whenever it rings. Trust me, this is a big one. I hate answering the phone.
3. Writing here every day and taking the risk that you will hate it and then I will be all alone with my precious baby grapes, tossing them out into the void, waiting for someone to squish them and turn them into wine.
4. That last sentence. Wow. I can’t believe I typed that and yet I will not delete it.
5. Using the delete key a lot less.
6. Oh! And I entered a writing contest.
And so. Month One of Unafraid = success. Onward to my favourite month, February!
What? There’s ANOTHER day of January? *sigh* Fine.
Did you pick a word to focus on in 2011? How is that going for you? Please, share!
Everyone else: seriously, why is January so long?