One *

When I first had two children, I used to go to big box stores like Costco and Superstore as a form of meditation. Oh sure, I did the shopping while I was there. It was a pleasure to do so, I volunteered for it, because my daily life was executed in a cloud of constant noise and need. At the big box stores, no one needed me. I wandered, silent, picking things up and putting them down, following the list, crossing things off. It was as good as a nap.

Actually, it was BETTER than a nap because at the end, there was food to eat. I could never nap when the children napped because it was a waste of time. At the end of a nap all you are is rested, maybe. Maybe not! Maybe you’re just mad that you couldn’t sleep longer. Naps are a wild card. And then, you haven’t done anything. You’re right back at square one, but with worse hair.

I will never tell anyone to sleep while the baby sleeps, I swear it.

Anyway, that was five years ago. (almost to the day!) Today I went to Costco while Eli was at preschool. I didn’t especially want to go. I would rather have gone for a run, which is what I’ve been doing every preschool class for weeks, or to the library, or stayed home to work on the slowest short story revision ever. But, we were out of peanut butter and multivitamins and nearly out of coffee. It would need to be done this week sometime and would I rather go with Eli? No I would not. Would I rather go on the weekend, with TWO children? NO I WOULD NOT NO NO NO.

Very little makes me feel more like an adult than having two hours free and choosing to go to Costco for the simple reason that it needs doing.

I don’t miss being the All Important Sun-Like Mother of Two Needful Beings. I really like that my kids are now mostly reasonable small people who can butter their own bread. But I do sort of miss that I used to think shopping was a magical, spa-like experience. Now it’s just a chore — albeit one that nets me coffee and really tasty pesto.

* so titled because one of my biggest stumbling blocks in posting to this blog has been choosing titles. Seriously, I have ten drafts that I could publish right now except then I’d have to think of titles. I’m not saying I’m rational! I’m just saying the titles will be numbers unless I can think of something better.

3 thoughts on “One *

  1. Lynn

    Loved this post. It’s the little changes like these that somehow pass us by and then one day, we realize how everything is different.

    I think I’m at the transition point on shopping right now. A year ago, a trip to the grocery store by myself was like an exotic Festival Of MeTime. This past weekend, they didn’t have a few things I needed, so I realized I’d have to come back later in the week, and I was annoyed at having one more thing on the to-do list. Times, they are a’changin’.

  2. Zen

    I think you should just take all ten drafts and cram them into one mega post, and put that up there, with NO title on it, or some ten-letter-acronym, or something.

    Of course, I also like to play foosball with four balls at once, so don’t trust anything I say.

  3. Nicole

    I used to be in that place. Now I kind of wish someone would come with me to keep me company on one of my zillion trips to the grocery store a month. But I remember how awesome and amazing it was to go get groceries ALL BY MYSELF without someone running down the aisles and someone else smelling the garbage by the place where the old people sit and someone knocking down an old lady by accident.

    I thought the same way about naps. If I lay down and fell asleep for 10 minutes only, I would be in way worse shape when I got up. Plus my hair would be flat and my mascara smeared.

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