Exhilarate

Posted on 12/28/2010 by cheesefairy

FIRST. You people. Thank you thank you thank you. You said the kindest things to me yesterday and I am so fortunate to have you all, lifting me up like a bunch of helium-filled balloons that never, ever deflate and hang creepily around dark corners in the house, unlike real helium-filled balloons.

Anyway. Also. You all suggested some great prompts! I am noting them all in my prompt book. I will start using them January 1st.

#reverb10 day 28 – Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today. (Author: Tara Sophia Mohr)

What do I want to achieve next year? I want to publish something. Not on this blog. Somewhere else.

I imagine I will feel exhilarated, relieved, terrified.

Exhilarated is the first word that came to mind. Like jumping out of a plane might feel, if I ever jumped out of a plane, which is not going to happen. I want to NOT jump out of a plane. Why does that keep springing to mind? Is my subconscious trying to kill me? Just so that I don’t try to publish something? Harsh critic, subconscious.

Exhilaration. I like that word a lot. It’s a cross between “exhale” and “accelerate” (not etymologically, but in my head). Excellent is in there, too. I wonder if I associate it with excellence and that’s why it’s so appealing. No. I don’t want to be excellent. A “B” is good enough for me.

Ten things I can do / think to create instant exhilaration

1. Imagine opening the acceptance letter (or email)
2. Run fast without carrying anything
3. Breathe deeply and sit up straight
4. Cold shot of gin
5. Dance with the children to “Come on Eileen”
6. Plan my interview with Jian Gomeshi
7. Sing
8. Imagine driving in a convertible down a winding highway, heading to a meeting where I will sign a contract to be a Superstar of Something Exciting
9. Listen to music, loud, through headphones
10. Imagine it is the end of 2011 and I am reading this list over, laughing because I made it all happen.

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#reverb10: Ordinary Joy

Posted on 12/27/2010 by cheesefairy

Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)

When I saw this prompt last night in my email inbox, I scoffed. “How many more ‘moments’ could these reverb people possibly want me to remember?” I thought, “don’t they know I have the memory of a drunk flea? Anyway, I have ANSWERED this one already. Day 2: Moment. Day 14: Appreciate. Day 15: List everything you want to remember in 5 minutes. It’s all moments. The world is made UP of moments. And it’s not like I don’t appreciate them. This whole damn blog is about moments. Joy and otherwise.”

After sleeping on it, and being woken at 4 am by one of the children, and then unable to get back to sleep for what seemed like two hours but was really more like one hour, I still don’t feel like answering the prompt. And, because it is this sort of exercise where you can take what you like and leave the rest, I do not at all feel like a failure. Hooray!

However. I did receive a (number of) wonderful Christmas gift(s) this year (including THE ROOM, which is the worst movie ever made, truly, worse than Battlefield Earth, even. Worse than Italian Stallion, Sylvester Stallone’s soft-core porn film) and among them, a 2011 calendar book. My in-laws, who know me well and also read this here blog, sent it to me.

“…its design is based on the original WWII poster commissioned by the British Government’s Ministry of Information.”

I love it. I feel it. I feel it so deeply in my soul it is like soul food.

However, I have a daytimer calendar book; I’ve had it for years and I just bought a new year’s worth of pages for it, at great personal emotional expense, as I took the children with me to Staples (the office supply superstore) stupidly thinking they would be fascinated by helping me choose the correct size pages for my daytimer calendar book. Need I say it, they were not. They went directly to the SAFE (holy misnomer, Batman!) display at the back of the store and attempted to pull hundreds of pounds of – what are safes made of? – heavy metal on top of themselves while the teenage staff glowered impotently at me.

All that BEFORE they discovered the pretzel M&M display.

So. I am invested in my old daytimer. But I love the new calendar book, so I must use it. I MUST USE IT. KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON.

I am thinking what I will do is this: I will use the new calendar book as a writing prompt book. I have enjoyed writing every day for #reverb10. It is good exercise. Having read the amazing posts of Amanda Practical Magic for Beginners who has written every day for a year a year A YEAR!1! I know it is possible to write every day on a blog and have it not totally suck. That is an understatement. Practical Magic for Beginners is fantastic. Also, she is writing five other books (might be an over or understatement) concurrently. I am such a slacker!

So, for the next week (and on) I will think up a bunch of prompts and write them in my new calendar book, one a day for the year, and then every day I will write something. Here.

Two questions:

1. Does that sound incredibly annoying to you? Because I have heard that some people who have The RSS feeds and whatnot get annoyed if their feeds get clogged up with daily posts from people they subscribe to. I, m’self, browse the WWW in a very old-fashioned, haphazard sort of way, where I use twitter and my bookmarked sites to read around, so I might get caught up on someone’s 18 most recent posts over a few days but the knowledge that they are posting every day is lost on me because I forget to check for days at a time.

2. Do you have any prompt suggestions? Please, no moments. Thanks.

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#Reverb 24 – 25 – 26

Posted on 12/26/2010 by cheesefairy

Day 24 – Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

I am so thankful to live three blocks from what is truly a shitty little mall but which contains all you need, including a liquor store, dollar store, Safeway and questionable sushi. OK I don’t like sushi anyway, but this sushi scares me more because it’s next to the “Royal Regina Restaurant,” which sells mostly shepherd’s pie that looks about six years old. There is also a fruit and vegetable market if you feel like buying some celery without braving the millions of people fighting over celery in the Safeway.

I walked over to this little mall on Friday (Christmas Eve) while Trombone was having his Quiet Time and Fresco was having his Shoulder Nap on SA’s shoulder (and my shoulder cried with relief, as an almost-three-year-old sleeping on your shoulder *will* put a cramp in your style no matter how you crack it, but napping is better than no napping) and bought some last minute things and then I walked home, past all the cars waiting to turn into the parking lot, through bumper to bumper traffic, and it was raining because this is the West Coast, and raindrops fell on my nose and eyelashes and my black, cloth shopping bags were slung over my shoulder and I had a music player to listen to while I walked and I thought yes. This is good. This peace and quiet, just on the brink of excitement. A few minutes to be inside my own head and stretch out on my brain sofa.

You don’t have a brain sofa? Oh. I do.

I feel this “it’s OK” feeling almost every day. I also feel its counterpoint, “yeah, no it’s not!” almost every day. So, we move on.

Day 25 – Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you. (Author: Tracey Clark)

As one of the parents in this house, I take a lot of pictures. Almost all the pictures. SA takes pictures of his beer, and I take pictures of everything else, including me. Most of the shots of me, then, are either shot from as far away as my arm, or are great studies of our downstairs bathroom.

All of which photos are The Awesome Hotness, of course, or I would delete them, but none of which really spoke to me for this exercise.

Oh except the one that SA is taking of me right now while I type one-handed with Fresco asleep on my chest.

This photo below, I love. Fresco and I took it together; I gave him the camera to hold and helped him aim and he did the “one two three say cheese” part and the actual button pressing. We were in Penticton, at my aunt and uncle’s anniversary party, sitting on the lawn outside the church.

I like how I am folded into the frame. I think my face reflects how my kids see me, not the way I pose for myself, for profile photos. I strive to be that genuine, that unselfconscious, that bendable, in all areas of my life.

day 26 : Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul? (Author: Elise Marie Collins)

Uh. What went into my mouth and touched my *soul*? That just doesn’t seem right.

The thing about me and food is, I have specific cravings. If I satisfy the craving, the food touches my soul. Or at least makes some wind that eventually touches my soul. Mouth / soul butterfly effect. If I don’t satisfy the craving, the food is still good and I still eat it, but it’s more for making my body continue living than for making my soul do any dancing.

These foods spring to mind:

My mom’s lasagna, which is the best lasagna on the planet.

Homemade pizza with caramelized onions, bacon and mushrooms.

Long pasta with olive oil / garlic sauce. (Aglio e Olio)

Fresh basil.

And popcorn. With lots of butter. And salt.

And – snacktime.

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Oh Hi, Mark *

Posted on 12/23/2010 by cheesefairy

#reverb10 – day 23 – New name. Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

I love the name Katherine – yes, with a K – more about the letter C below – but I would want to be a “Kathryn.” Kathryns are elegant and gracious and always know the right thing to say to people. They function well at the small talk level and then they focus on you and make you bare your soul to them, but not in a mean way. You totally want to bare your soul to them because you think it is a great idea. You know what I think of when I think of Kathryn? Beautiful hands.

Kathryn can be shortened – to Kat, preferably. If my name was Kathryn I would allow people to call me Kat. Even though I don’t really like cats.

When I was 9 or 10 years old I decided my name would be better spelled with a K. My first name, Clara, had been given to me with great forethought. My parents, who both have long names, wanted me to have a short name that couldn’t be made shorter. A simple name that couldn’t be mis-spelled. A name that was easy to pronounce by either of my Anglo/Italian sides of the family. But I just knew I would be cooler with a K at the front of my name.

The thing about Clara is; it can be shortened, mis-spelled and mispronounced. People call me Claire. They also spell it “Claira” and “Clarea” and “Clairia.” There was a woman once, in some workplace of mine, who called me Crystal because my first name and last name together were too confusing for her so she just made one word out of them. Kind of.

Crystal!

My parents greatly underestimated the need people have to make simple things very difficult. I don’t fault them for that. How could they know.

Anyway I got my revenge because the year I decided to spell my name with a K was also the year I entered Owl Magazine’s Superkid of the Year contest and, along with several other Canadian kids, won. So I got a winning letter addressed to “Klara” and a certificate of honour made out to “Klara” and my picture in a magazine with a caption below stating my name was “Klara.”

I was in a spot of trouble, yes.

And why do I prefer the letter K?

There’s something about the letter C that is too soft, too mushy. “Oh, I embrace you,” says C. Just look at it. All curvy and “seeeeee.”

But K. K. K has a backbone behind her open arms. K is tough but fair. K has points.

I also don’t like the letter “U” very much. I don’t know why.

Do you have letter preferences? Or am I Very Different. Or both!

* this refers to a movie called “The Room” which I have not seen but have seen clips from. It is fun to make fun of. Here is one such fun-making scene. I also enjoy this compilation of all the times anyone says “Oh, hi.”

Also, if I had been a boy, my name would have been Mark. Now you know.

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Travel. Ha.

Posted on 12/22/2010 by cheesefairy

Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

For those of you just joining us, this year’s traveling gong, er, ROADshow is well documented here and here.

I don’t think I will be traveling anywhere next year. Except maybe maximum an hour out of town to try camping again. SA is sure as hell not traveling anywhere either, so no one invite him because he won’t come.

Here are the places at the top of my list for ‘someday.’

– Chicago

Because I went there for a day in 1999 and it was electrifying, even more so than Greased Lightning and that is really saying something.

– Paris

I went to Paris, France for two weeks when I was in grade 11. We did an exchange with a grade 11 class there. I lived with a girl whose dad was a cab driver. He had one of those twirly, waxed mustaches and he chain-smoked from his easy chair and he served martinis to Canadian girls of only 15. The streets were dirty and crooked and the people gestured wildly about everything and sneered a lot and it made me so very happy to be there. I have wanted to go back ever since.

– Oregon

All of it. I want to walk up and down its coastline, drinking Rogue beer, smiling broadly.

– the Qu’appelle Valley

In Saskatchewan. We were going to camp there this summer but it didn’t happen. It is this amazing dip in the prairie, lush and green and – I gotta say it – it’s Biblical. It is A Valley of Biblical Proportions. Hey, Saskatchewan Tourism, hire me!

– Italy

Specifically, to my dad’s hometown, but anywhere would be fine.

– Sweden

I love the idea of Sweden. I think it’s because I watched too much Swedish Chef growing up. Bork bork bork.

– Newfoundland

Giant waves, huge wind, crazy fog, burly dogs, heavy sweaters. It’s the other coast. I want to have a cabin there, full of big blankets and empty of furniture and stocked with cast iron pots, tea, books, and maybe a radio.

– Scotland

So I could appall any number of people with my atrocious Scottish accent. And look up the other half of my ancestry. And bury my face in the side of a sheep and drink some Scotch and run across a field hollering “Heathcliff!”

– Australia

To see if I could find the wall in Melbourne where my old pen pal wrote my name with spray paint.

I also wouldn’t turn up my nose at just about anywhere else in the world, although I have never felt particularly drawn to Asian countries. I can say “hello” and “thank you” and “what is that” in Japanese so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if someone kidnapped me and took me to Japan.

I love traveling. I love cleaning out the sink and saying “goodbye house” and proceeding into the unknown. I love packing and unpacking. I love airplanes. I love tiny spaces, like on planes and buses, that are only for me. I love that shiver of fear that passes over me when I think about the plane crashing. Seriously. The anticipation is a quarter of the fun.

Disclaimer: All of those things? I love doing on my own. Traveling with children is different. So far, I don’t love it as much. When they are older, I hope we can travel more. I won’t have to worry about being the screaming baby lady. I won’t have to pack four thousand crackers for a two hour flight. I hope that we can afford to take a train somewhere someday, and drive our car across the country with a clear conscience, and not have to subject ourselves to ridiculous screening exercises in order to take airplanes.

I hope, too, that travel will be as exciting for my kids as it was for me growing up. I traveled a lot when I was a kid and it wasn’t always roses but it did create in me a desire to see other places and be other places. Be with the people who live in those places, see how they live. Drink their coffee and play their jukeboxes.

It’s not about seeing X attraction or Y place on the map for me. I saw Graceland but what I remember is the look of people walking around with headsests on, listening to the guided tour, completely apart from the other tourists in the room. I saw the Grand Canyon but what I remember is the guy in the campsite who said to me, “It’s a big ol’ hole, innit.”

It’s about smelling or feeling something that you can’t experience just by reading about it or looking at pictures. Eating local food, touching sand that is finer than any you would find on a West coast beach, watching storms gather from hundreds of kilometres away, picking up the local free paper and reading about the guy that got arrested last Friday night for stealing someone’s garden gnome.

OK now I need to go somewhere.

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