Pretty Damn Creepy, Actually

Posted on 5/10/2005 by cheesefairy

Harper and Duceppe, the new Wonder Twins (or are they boyfriend and boyfriend?) attending a holocaust memorial. Didn’t anyone ever tell them to pay attention and face front? Are all our elected officials just a bunch of whiny kindergarteners who don’t know how to behave? (See this story about the bickering between the federal leaders about who was going to the Netherlands for the VE day celebrations and who was staying home. In the end, they all went for one day. Too bad it was one day later than the ceremonies.) Maybe they should have been held back in grade 1 but the teacher didn’t want to deal with them anymore so s/he passed them on to grade 2 and so on and so on through high school and law school and into public office? I’m about ready to take my guns and head for a cabin in Montana to live out the rest of my life evading taxes and eating squirrel.

No, not really.

(from this story about today’s non-confidence motion. My breath is so totally bated.)

Posted in idiots, people | 4 Comments

Insipid Lyric of the Day

Posted on 5/8/2005 by cheesefairy

Courtesy of Destiny’s Child, in a song about – well – you figure it out:

“Girl, I can tell you been crying
and you needing someone to talk to
Girl, you don’t have to be hiding
don’t be ashamed to say he hurt you
(there’s another stanza here but I don’t remember it – I was folding laundry)

I’m your girl,
You’re my girl,
We’re your girls,
Donchu know we love you?”

Before you say I’m just shooting my rifle into a barrel o’ fish, know that I did judge carefully for the Insipid Lyric of the Day. It was almost the country song that rhymed “hero” with “cheerio.” The cereal, not the greeting.

Posted in music | 1 Comment

Where Have All the M&M Gone?

Posted on 5/7/2005 by cheesefairy

The M&Ms in the Star Wars ads tell me I can choose the dark side or the light side. But when I go to the store (oh, many stores. not just one store did I try. looked, I have.) all I see on offer is the light side. What kind of fucking democracy is this? I have the right to choose! Don’t control me!

Quick! To the e-Bay!

Why, for heaven’s sake, it’s an M&M charm! For your bracelet, darling!

This is a “M&M Alphabet Magnet Set,” which also appears to include all the letters of the alphabet, not just the best letter, M.

Orville Orange: is he the lost M&M? The fallen angel? He looks like I feel every time I browse the candy isle. Etat Parfait!

Oh. But wait. Cream of the fucking crop, here, folks: Commemorative 9-11 M&Ms. And I quote: “These M&Ms are four years old, do not eat them. This unique and possibly rare bag of candy is purely for a collector of 9-11 memorabilia.”

Unique and possibly rare. Whoooee. I’m all done in.

Posted in funny, idiots | 3 Comments

Golden Decade: The Musical!

Posted on 5/6/2005 by cheesefairy

Path to fun:

1. This page now.
2. Scroll down to the “m”s and choose “Maniac”.
3. Time to karaoke with the alternate lyrics below. Get up on your chair and dance, dance, dance like you’re a tired welder who moonlights as our premier…er…an exotic dancer with big hair! Don’t forget to rip the neck of your sweatshirt!

(Golden) Maniac

Just a big-city man on a saturday night
with his pants just a little too tight
got behind the big wheel of his SUV
Fred and Cathy say he’s CRAZY

didn’t think about the taxpayers here in BC
didn’t think about his constituency
didn’t think at all ‘cos he was all drunk
he was feeling free and EASY

He’s all for business getting big
He helped us win an olympic bid!
He has trashed what little social justice we had

He’s a maniac! maniac! and he wants more!
He’s got golden decade fever in his fore (brain)
He’s a maniac! maniac! at your door!
He will only show his face where there’s support.

Now he’s out on the road in a fancy bus
Waving his arms out the window at us
He won’t stop, spend some time, defend his policies
I’m thinking that he’s LAZY

He’s running scared, losing steam, what’s become of his team?
Seems like all of his best friends are gone
Can he rule with a fist that has turned into mush?
Or will they call him PANSY?

He wrecks hospitals and schools
Won’t observe the golden rule
Makes his party look like fools
With him in the lead

He’s a maniac! maniac! with no boss
He can do whatever he wants – and screw the cost!
He’s a maniac! maniac! make him pay
Vote for Not The Liberal party on election day.
(that’s May 17th you know)
(and don’t forget the STV)

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Killing Me Softly With His Song

Posted on 5/6/2005 by cheesefairy

I was sitting still, digesting my chili cheese dog and I heard the unmistakeable wail of Bono and the Gang. Thinking it was the stereo of a car driving up Thurlow heading for the U2 concert, I ignored it. (Oh wait, that was last week.) Then I happened a glance over to GATS and noticed he had a U2 concert playing on his giant cockV. Then I noticed that the “Elevation” I was hearing synched perfectly with the crest of Bono’s upper lip meeting his lower and the tilt of his head was at just the angle one might expect if one was watching a performance of “Elevation.”

Yes my friends, GATS has U2 LIVE in his living room and with his windows open and my windows open, the traffic is no match for the STADIUM SURROUND SOUND! It’s just like being there except at least I can’t smell the GATS’s pot smoke or feel his hand on my ass.

Posted in idiots, music, television | 2 Comments