Where Have All the M&M Gone?

The M&Ms in the Star Wars ads tell me I can choose the dark side or the light side. But when I go to the store (oh, many stores. not just one store did I try. looked, I have.) all I see on offer is the light side. What kind of fucking democracy is this? I have the right to choose! Don’t control me!

Quick! To the e-Bay!

Why, for heaven’s sake, it’s an M&M charm! For your bracelet, darling!

This is a “M&M Alphabet Magnet Set,” which also appears to include all the letters of the alphabet, not just the best letter, M.

Orville Orange: is he the lost M&M? The fallen angel? He looks like I feel every time I browse the candy isle. Etat Parfait!

Oh. But wait. Cream of the fucking crop, here, folks: Commemorative 9-11 M&Ms. And I quote: “These M&Ms are four years old, do not eat them. This unique and possibly rare bag of candy is purely for a collector of 9-11 memorabilia.”

Unique and possibly rare. Whoooee. I’m all done in.

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