The Cheeseblog

That’s right: it’s red-star-on-the-calendar day.

Babby can’t actually see the calendar, so s/he’s sitting tight (very tight, in fact) for the moment. Don’t worry – I’m sure I’ll go into labour at some point. I would really like to have the baby before wednesday, because I don’t want to go back to our last group doctor’s appointment and have to shrug my shoulders and smile about how everyone else has already crossed over and I am still on the pregnant side of the river. So – if before wednesday could be arranged, that’d be fantastic.

Who am I talking to? Any of you that might have magical powers.

In our travels around the ‘hood yesterday, I learned that I am having a boy. (The woman at the liquor store said so. And if she’s wrong, we’re to go back for free beer.) I also learned that suburban transit CONTINUES to suck ass. I’m used to buses coming late. It’s always worked for me like this: you know when the bus is supposed to come and then you go to the bus stop and you might have to wait a few minutes because the bus comes late. Buses come late. They do! Boys are like buses, another one always comes along, but buses themselves are not like boys in that buses come late.

But not in our neighbourhood. In our neighbourhood, they will often come 5 (or 6, or 4) minutes early. And they run every half hour on the weekends. So you look at the schedule and leave your house in what you THINK will be enough time to get to the bus stop EVEN considering that the bus comes 5 minutes early and then, when you are half a block away, the bus drives by. And then you have 24/5/6 minutes to kill. MAN it makes me mad.

But not mad enough to be in labour, apparently. Yes, I checked.

We took a cab last night to Simba’s Grill (Burnaby location) to have Babby Eve Dinner. It was extremely tasty. For those of you who are west of Metrotown, there is one on Denman St., by Robson. I’m pretty sure I had the Kuku Paka, which is the tastiest green coconut chicken curry known to man or woman or babby. Saint Aardvark described it as coconutty curry crossed with pesto. It also had much mint and coriander to recommend it. And though I ordered medium, it came very nicely hotted up.

Nope, I just checked; still no babby.

Today: a trip to some big box stores to stock up on big boxes of things. And to purchase some sheets which are not flannel. Damn it’s hot!

Today whilst waiting for a bus connection to get to my doctor’s appointment (me: now too preposterously proportioned to drive!) I nipped in to SUPERSTORE! and bought some snacks for the road.

2 pizza pretzels
2 cans of soup
1 bag of cheese popcorn
1 bag of bulk jelly beans (approx. 100 grams)

I really wanted an Aranciata beverage but they were only sold in 6 packs and I didn’t want to carry a 6-pack.

Wow this is a Fascinating Entry, non?

I ate half the bag of jelly beans on my connecting bus. It was a bag of Jelly Belly Beans. I have never experienced more than, say, two or three Jelly Belly Beans at a time and I was choosing carefully those times. (Usually it’s safe to go for the orange jelly bean.) Those crazy Jelly Belly people! They make jelly beans out of coffee and chocolate and coconut and other things that taste like coconut. I was eating the beans blind, taking them one at a time from the bag in my pocket, trying to guess what the sweet bejoobie THAT flavour just was. And then I encountered the peanut butter jelly bean. So bad! So very bad! All thick and sticky and no sweet and It’s Just Wrong. I mean, make a savoury jelly bean all you want, but there should still be sugar in it somewhere. It’s still CANDY.

Despite this dosing up before the doctor’s appointment, all my vitals were normal.

Dr: You’re still pregnant!
Me: Yep
Dr: You look like you have a basketball in your lap!
Me: Feels more like a medicine ball, but I read you.
Dr: Let’s have a feel…
(cops a feel)
Dr: Woah! I could totally poke your baby’s head!
Me: Please don’t poke my baby’s head…
Dr: Ha ha ha – if I could get my fingers through your cervix I totally would!
Me: To be fair, if I were in your position I’m not sure I could do anything BUT poke babies in the head.

So yes, babby is lower than before. That feeling when I walk, like something gigantic is about to fall out of me? That’s precisely what I’m feeling. It’s nice to have medical science agree with my expert opinion. Of course, speculation continues as to when this “falling out” will occur. Professional opinion seems to err on the side of later rather than sooner. But I’ve been to enough parties to know that hanging out near the door is a good way to sneak out without saying goodbye to anyone.

Wow. Jon Bon Jovi is on Oprah and his teeth are so white.