Top 10 Things I Don’t Need (And 3 Things I Do)

10. This weather. Blah blah blah, the weather.
9. These 40 extra pounds.
8. A cuddly catt.
7. A weekly newsletter email from Babycenter (based on my due date )welcoming me to parenthood and offering me tips on dealing with my newborn.
6. A postie who drops off a parcel, bruises his head on my pendulous belly, congratulates me and says “The next year of your life will be the hardest! But it’s SO worth it! You’ll want to do it all over again!” I refrained from asking him to show me his vagina. Only because he brought me a parcel.
5. COMPLEX-WIDE FIRE ALARM TESTING ALL DAY LONG AT COMPLETELY RANDOM INTERVALS.
4. Hair.
3. Venetian blinds that seem to actually attract the light and heat.
2. THE FIRE ALARM THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE IS BLOWING A WHISTLE IN MY EAR? AT COMPLETELY RANDOM INTERVALS?
1. Priya Ramu talking to Elvis Costello. Did she really just say she’s going to interview him? Oh good, I think she was referring to an earlier segment. But newsflash: Diana Krall is going to have his baby. I can’t seem to turn off the radio because I have been incapacitated by the preceding 9 items.

So to recap, THE FIRE ALARMS WORK. A nice man just came in my house and tested all of ours as well. (That took care of the cuddly catt problem – he won’t be out of hiding for 3 days.) And even if they didn’t? We are across the street from a very active fire station that has not had a moment’s rest for the last 3 days. I don’t know if everyone in this part of town is blowing up their barbeques or driving off the Killer Patullo Bridge or what but it’s made me glad (in a “oh, all right, the glass MIGHT be somewhat full” sort of way) that I haven’t had to go to a hospital because I doubt very much there would be a bed for me.

The 3 Things I do Need (from today’s parcel):

and with my feet for scale: