I’m Letting The Girl Who Doesn’t Construct Sentences Real Good Write This One While I Eat Ice Cream

Y’ever have that thing, with the words, where you talk and then you wish you hadn’t talked? But you can’t stop. Or you won’t stop. And it’s just not as clever as when the Beastie Boys do it.

Like, you’re at a grocery-store check-out and you make some stupid joke about the fact that the five dollar bill you just handed the cashier is dirty and she looks at you – or just past you – like you’re absolutely starkers (as in, mad, not naked).

Or you have a temper tantrum that would do your 20-month-old son proud (who knew – he’s mentoring ME!) because a computer doesn’t work the way it should. You yell and swear at it and then, a few minutes later, the rage is still boiling up and you don’t know why – you can’t argue with a computer and you can’t argue with a poorly constructed database, even if, especially if you know that’s what it is.

Everything is just dumb, stupid and wrong. And you can’t even be bothered to come up with other words for dumb, stupid and wrong. You can’t explain it right, anyway.

Like far-too-extensive Aphasia or something? Psychic aphasia?

Exhaustion. I think. Exhaustion and the moon and mercury in retrograde and the rain and yeah. I just can’t be so sour anymore. It’s too tiring, on top of being 31 weeks pregnant, to be mad at everyone for everything when really what I need is more sleep and I’m not going to get it for another let’s say year, optimistically, so I might as well come up with some coping strategies.

Five things that will result in better behavior from me:

1. The sun is coming out. This is good both because I like sun and because I won’t have to kick anyone’s ass who told me it was going to be sunny this weekend.

2. I now have a USB hub to attach to my laptop so that my wee music player will stop sapping poor laptop’s brain, causing aneurysms (catastrophic reboot daily!) every time I get halfway through loading an album.

3. We finally have a respectable selection of food in our house, after several weeks of living loaf-to-loaf. This means I can cook. Or at least have the option to not have chips for dinner more than twice a week. (ed. note: that sentence made my head hurt) Also, frozen strawberries were on sale.

4. The food items we have in the house include pineapple. And a new, aluminum cake pan that is not non-stick, meaning we now have more non-non stick pans in the house than non-stick pans.

5. Which, of course, means pineapple upside-down cake.

And where there’s cake, there’s peace and harmony. I hope you find yours, too.