There is No Love

The other day I was in the same room as a Globe and Mail newspaper. I picked it up. I read the STYLE section. Why did I do this? It always hurts to read the STYLE section of the GLobe and Mail. First there’s Leah McLaren. Then there’s reviews of restaurants in Toronto. Even though it’s the West Coast edition of the Globe and Mail. Why do I care about restaurants in Toronto? Then there’s a column called “Mommyblogger.” And this week there was also an article about shoes.

So ballet flats. They’re in.

They’re in style. In STYLE. I knew this. I knew this because I went shoe shopping many weeks ago and fell quite stupidly in love with a pair of ballet flats. They were not the only pair for sale. Hmm, I thought. Guess flats are “in” this year, since these ones cost $179 and I’m pretty sure they’d cost less at a dance shop.

Nevermind. The Globe and Mail had a great, new take on the ballet flat, and, I would argue, on fashion in general: what do The Men think? Of ballet flats? On women?

Guess what? The Men think that flats are lame. Women should wear heels because it makes them look better. Women, that is. Because of the leg-enhancement. Makes The Men look better I guess because a well-dressed woman is a man’s best accessory!

One guy interviewed said that he has a deal with his fiance. If she wears heels on their dates, he pays for the cab.

(I am leaving

lots of spaces

between my lines of text

for the vitriol.)

Anyway, that guy might have been kidding. And the other guys – well, I am pretty much not in the game anymore and even if I were, I would not be reaching for that rainbow. You know, the one represented by the male reader of the STYLE section of the Globe and Mail. But then, at the bottom, a small quotation.

I respect a woman’s right to wear whatever shoes are comfortable, said this quotation. But flats? Are not sexy. They are anti-sexy. Was it Evan Solomon? Ben Mulroney? Randy Bachman? No, it was not. It was Jian Gomeshi.

I felt like you do when the boy you like does something that cracks the gold finish on the statue you were building of him in your backyard. Maybe he admits he likes “Deal or No Deal.” Maybe he wears a trucker cap 3 years too late. Maybe he says, with a straight face, “Hey, I don’t wanna sound like a queer or nothin’, but I think unicorns are kick ass!” Whatever he does, you suddenly realize: this boy is not cool. I thought he was cool, but he is not cool. I am cooler than this boy. Why was I wasting my time building a golden statue? I should build a golden statue of ME! I am COOLER THAN THIS BOY!

Makes me wonder what he thinks of hairy armpits. Perhaps Goddessa will write him a letter and let you all know.