To begin: does anyone but me find the concept of- or perhaps just the phrase – “Fish Taco” really gross? Why is this?
Next: Saint Aardvark is subjecting us to Independence Day for the 17th time. (The remote control is guarded by a fierce cluster of leet unixbots who only scoff when I send the catt to fetch it for me, armed with a little coconut shell helmet and pimped-up chopsticks for swords. Damn computers.) I have managed to stay awake through the whole thing this time but only by keeping the little squeaky wheel in my head wondering: What do the aliens want from us and Why do they hate us so?
I have acquired some important information. Aliens and Satan are very closely linked. And, not unlike those annoying people who write things down and then accomplish them, lickety split, even Satan has goals. Didn’t you know you hated Satan for a reason? According to the watcher,
If Satan’s goals could be summed up and prioritized, they would appear this way:
#1 Stop the redemption of man by preventing the atonement of Jesus on the cross.
#2 (since #1 has failed), prevent human kind from ever hearing or understanding the gospel .
#3 Prevent at all cost, the resurrection of the dead.
#4 Since the gathering together of all the rebel angels and their imprisonment on earth for judgment is declared by God, great preparations must be made to utilize this event for the continuation of deception.
#5 prevent the eventual reign of God in human form on the earth.
So you see, Satan plus Aliens equals quite a bit of long-standing animosity and also might explain the fish taco. (great preparations…continuation of deception)
Now, this site provides helpful tips on how to defend yourself against aliens. But more importantly, at the end, he or she refers to the killer asteroid that will hit earth in 2017! Which brings us right back to the number 17 and how it actually rules everything; above Satan and aliens and fish tacos and the Oscars.
The world record of sitting in ketchup is 17 hours.(the fish taco sold by taco bell is actually a fish stick in a wrap with some salsa on the side. I think this is too coincidental to be accidental.)
And (from the same site):
From a postcard:
Seventeen reasons to live in the Midwest:
pot roast every Sunday
best pesticide commercials in the country
free and available parking
wholesome, unjaded youth
more Catholics than you can shake a stick at
freedom from fear of falling off the edge of the continent
access to little-known fine beers such as Schaeffer, Hudepohl and Stag
dynamite homegrown
birthplace and still best place for jazz
no typhoons
the people are mostly good eggs
no big hills to climb so better gas mileage
greater chance of seeing UFOs
quaint native customs – tractor pulling, flag waving and cow tipping
basketball is at least as important as football
lots of silos and barns for pastoral landscape painters
home of Bunny Bread – “That’s what ah said…”
Did you see? The UFOs! The Catholics! Full circle! Crop circle!
But finally, does it get any more significant than this bit (from the same site, listed under “My 17s”):
On June 20, 1996, at 16:45, someone wanted to phone me (but I wasn’t there) and let the phone ring 17 times.
It was probably Satan calling. Good thing you weren’t there.