Threes

I like things in threes. When I am reading children’s books and they don’t keep to the rule of three, I get upset.

Maybe there isn’t a rule of three. Maybe it’s my rule and no one keeps to it because they haven’t met me yet.

What I mean is, when you are writing a story for children, there should be three (3) repetitions of the important action plot piece. I don’t know what that part is actually called, but for example:

Nat Fantastic, a story about a boy who turns into a superhero every time his mother leaves the room to do something while she is supposed to be reading him a story.

It is kind of an annoying story to me, because a) his mom keeps leaving – she goes to answer the phone, turn down the carrots and answer the door. Read the story or don’t, mom. The sooner you read it, the sooner wee Nat GOES TO BED. Ignore the muffin’crackin’ phone already, and also b) He saves a boatload of giggling, helpless girls from a crocodile and they pat his head and kiss him a lot and this offends me. Yes.

Anyway, the structure goes:

1. Mom and Nat settle in to read story
2. Mom leaves / Nat sneezes / turns into superhero / saves the day / sneezes / comes back
3. Mom comes back.
4. Mom leaves etc.
5. Mom comes back.
5. Mom leaves etc.
6. Mom comes back. The end.

I might not like the story itself but it follows the rule of three.

If Mom had left a fourth time? For another iteration of the action? I would take this book back to the library in the dead of night and not apologize for it. Four times is too many.

Maybe the rule in my head comes from learning to write five-paragraph essays? Where you have a thesis and three points and a conclusion? I don’t know. Anyone else? Just me? OK.

So, it pains me, but I must break my own rule and show you only TWO pictures from my cell phone. I don’t have three. I only have two. I’m sorry.

First one is from a few months ago, at a local drugstore chain.

That is a display of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, yes. Just to the left of the children’s books and to the right of the toys. Yes. Across the isle from the rest of the magazines, including the nudie mags that are 6 feet off the ground and hidden. You know. So kids can’t see them.

Note: I am not offended by the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition right next to the children’s books, nor am I calling scantily clad, sexy looking women ‘porn’. I am just surprised that anyone put it there.

And! Good thing Fresco’s not still nursing or he would have had a lot to say to that cover model, who was right at his face level.

Number two!

The other day we went to a different branch of the Burnaby Public Library. Because we are a little wild, like that. We like to mix it up. Usually we go to the Tommy Douglas Branch. But on Saturday we also needed to be near Metrotown (the mall) for a birthday party so we went to the Bob Prittie Branch, which is right next to Metrotown.

I haven’t been to that branch since I was in university. It is a massive library. Two floors, huge stairwells, extensive collection, nice, divided children’s area with lots of books and DVDs and blah blah blah it’s a library. Enough.

Of course the true test of any establishment is its bathroom. The Tommy Douglas Branch, as I have written before (last April, coincidentally? Oh April, month of bathrooms) has a beautiful bathroom. Small, but beautiful. New backsplash, motion activated water, soap, towels and hand dryers, as well as toilets that have low-flow and high-flow flushing options. I like options!

The bathroom at the Bob Prittie Branch is a lot like any public bathroom anywhere. It is old and dark and kind of brown all over. The sink taps were backwards (counterclockwise) and the soap dispensers set into the counter didn’t actually lead to any SOAP – the soap dispensers on the wall did work – BUT this branch still got a virtual high five from me because look:

Someone took the time to make this poster, copy and laminate one for each stall and tape one to each door. In my books, that bathroom wins.

(Whether or not anyone pays any attention to the sign itself. Though in fact, my toilet seat was spotless.)

*scratches head*

OK, so that’s it. Two photos. Not three. Nothing to see here. Move along.

*drums table with fingers*

Oh god, here, fine. Here is a hilarious picture of Fresco from the other day. Fresco who is 9 days away from turning THREE. HA. See what I did there? I RULED, that’s what.