Forget the Weather, We Will Always be Together

It rains a lot in Vancouver, for various reasons. The rain sometimes reflects our proximity to the ocean, sometimes reminds us that we are a rain forest and should stop killing squirrls, sometimes really is the tears of previous socialist governments as they watch Gordo destroy everything they worked so hard to implement. (425 days!)

Consquently, radio and television folks must constantly cast about for new ways to say “it’s going to rain until June.” You’ll see a weather forecast for a week where Monday is showers, Tuesday is rain, Wednesday is drizzle, Thursday is clouds and precipitation, Friday is rain, heavy at times.

Today: Heavy mist.

Nice. Makes me think of Bladerunner.

Also

At noon almost every day, I watch the news. At half past noon there is a weather report. It’s the usual weather report, with the moving clouds and the highs and lows and the frontal systems and whatnot. At the end of the forecast, the weather guy (his name is Mark, I think) goes away and on the screen is a phone number. Mark says, “Talk to a registered meteorologist! Only $2.99 a minute! Sponsored by Environment Canada.”

What would you possibly ask for $2.99 a minute that you couldn’t get from a) the news b) the ‘net c) looking outside or d) if you’re really desperate, the Weather Channel, which, true to its name, broadcasts ONLY WEATHER all the time?

Maybe if you didn’t have b, c, or d, and all you had was Global TV, you’d want to know more. But how much must it suck for poor Mark the Weather Guy to put all that work into his weather report – with the live tower cam and the view of Richmond they show every day (like we care) and the interviewing children at petting zoos because it’s spring break – and then have to advise people that his report might not be accurate and they should really call a “professional” meteorologist. How demoralizing!

Now if it was a psychic/weather line, they might be onto something. Or psychic/weather/phone sex. All of that might be worth $2.99 a minute.
Call now, hot meteorologists are waiting for YOU!