Recently I became aware of how frequently I use the word “whatnot”. I think I got it from King of the Hill, which is now on television almost as much as Seinfeld. Of course, now that I’ve noticed it about me, I am also noticing it everywhere. The dentist, The Donald, The Tyra Banks.
Because I have 3 more days to be unemployed, I googled “whatnot” and here are some of the things I found.
Number One! A band from the East Coast!
Excerpt, from Matt’s Gig Journal:
ok, so the proclaimers are scottish, right? from scotland? we established that at the show. so they wrote a song called “500 miles”. not 500 KILOMETERS, 500 MILES. anyone find THAT a bit odd, cuz last time I checked, europe was still on the metric system.
Oy. You can really tell this is a student band, especially when you listen to them. They sound like that band you knew the lead singer of at university and you went to all their shows and the bass player was kind of cute and you got on the guest list so whatever, sometimes they played “Brown Eyed Girl” and you thought they might be dedicating it to you.
Number Two! A (frighteningly public) place for families to keep track of each other. Includes a link to the family Hoskins and the recipe for Aunt Clara’s Famous Fried Chicken.
Excerpt:
When you’re ready to start cooking, dip the chicken in a flour, salt and pepper mixture. Don’t wash off the buttermilk. Aunt Clara used lard to fry the chicken, but Crisco will work just fine. Keep turning the chicken until brown and cover the skillet. Add one can of Cream of Chicken Soup. No don’t drain that lard/Crisco, just dump the soup in with the chicken. Cover and cook about 5 minutes, then uncover and cook another 10 minutes. You will have instant gravy with your chicken.
note: Yes, America, you are fat because of carbs.
Number Three! The subheading on a discussion board.
Excerpt: From the discussion on Bathroom Breaks at Work.
Is it okay to take a periodical with you to the bathroom when at work?
There are a coupe of arguments here:
First off, reading material may cause you to be in there longer than you need to, while most places of employment will allow you the time to take natures call, they probably wouldn’t want to pay you for catching up on the latest Time Magazine.
Second, if you grab a mag from the lobby on your way to the bathroom, it’s going to come back tainted…there is some point where you will touch that mag after the cleaning process and before you wash your hands…and that’s just gross.
note: I will have to report back from my new job after I start, but at my last job one of the salesmen used to PROOFREAD SALES PROPOSALS in the bathroom. Like a wise person – was it The Donald? – once said, If you have enough time to read in there, you need to eat more fiber.
Number Four! A beagle named Scout.
Excerpt: I almost forgot with everything else going on, but today is Scout’s birthday. 8 years old! She now qualifies for Senior dog food. But why–she’s still as spry as a puppy and active to boot. This dog isn’t going to be a Senior for a long time. Happy Birthday Beagleface!
There you have it.
Happy birthday beagleface.