Decision 2008, Part III

Here in the Metro Vancouver we’ve got a civic election tomorrow. I was fairly uninterested, because we are not part of the exciting City of Vancouver race but then I saw in the local rag that the challenger for the position of Mayor of the Mizzle used to be an ICE DANCER! World class!

Wow.

I can’t decide if this works for or against him. I am not what you would call an ice dancing fan but I am a fan of the interesting and it definitely makes him more interesting than the other guy.

But first, That Other Guy. In the interview in the local rag, the incumbent is quoted as follows:

“The economy is not frightening to us” he said of the economic downturn, “The buildings, the way we are, the financial abilities in the city are quite strong. We have a great team … I think we may be going against the trend and have some pretty good things in the next couple of years.”

(emphasis mine)

The buildings of the Mizzle are going to protect us from recession? The Way We Are? Are Mizzleites particularly frugal? Some pretty good things? Like what? I mean, you are running for office, right, so maybe you would want to be more specific about the pretty good things you intend to pull out of your hat?

[Wright] has applied [his] entrepreneurial spirit to his job as mayor. “Because there wasn’t a lot of activity taking place and different things, for me that’s what I thought I could do at the beginning was to create the activity. We know we needed some people, we know where we wanted to put them. That will help us to build up the infrastructure things that we need downtown, the stores, the ability to do the art things that everyone wants. Before we do that we need to have that tax base because of the loss of all the industries in the past.”

(again, with the emphasis)

What? Sure, this is more a criticism of the writing in the local rag, which criticism I have avoided in the past because hey, shoot fish in barrels much? But ostensibly they are trying to make things clearer for me, the voter, and instead I am getting computer generated Politicianspik that doesn’t make one iota of sense. He has been Mayor since 2002 so maybe he figures he doesn’t have to make sense.

OK, fine, I’ll leave it, but here is my favourite quote.

“Everything we do is a positive to the future. If you do nothing, you get nothing.”

It’s like he was trying so hard not to say “moving forward” (and I do appreciate it, don’t get me wrong) that he caved under the pressure of future positivity.

Mr. Ice Dancer 1965 is also interviewed and somehow comes off as less of an idiot. He does use the word “issues” the way Mr. Wright uses the word “things.” And he is obviously a former civil servant, see how he says the same thing 17 times and the reporter just types it all out?

About incumbent … he said, “The differences between he and I are profound. I am a listener. I know that I bring the best out of people…I am capable of bringing quality out of people. I can get people to excel. I can get people to agree on issues. I am very good at process.” Armitage said the city has some serious issues and requires a serious person to deal with those issues. “There are a lot of good people here in the community. I am very good at harnessing the energy of other people. It’s not me who is going to get it all done, it would be me who will bring all the right people together to get it all done.”

I am serious about your serious issues! I have serious issues with how serious you are about your serious issues!

I am done with these fish now, take your stinky barrel away.

In other exciting news, I found a soother / pacifier / binkie / bonkie that Fresco will not only tolerate but actively enjoy. He is not a pacifier baby, even less so than Trombone was, and Trombone had his moments. But this one, it has inverted dimples and silicone nubbies (yes, really) and it seemed to scratch his itch this afternoon. Hallelujah.

Here is what the package said:

The Ortho Teething Pacifier was developed to assist infants through the early stages of teething. The soft dimples enable infants to easily teethe (snort! easy!) by providing offset surfaces which prepare baby’s delicate gums for the teething process. The soft silicone orthodontic bulb provides comfort and pacifies the infant (yep, quietest baby EVER over here, RIGHT) while the natural teething process takes place (HAHAHAHAHA, like VIETNAM “took place?” Assholes!) with Ortho Teething Pacifier.

(hysterical snark all mine.)(I only hate everything because I am so overflowing with tired)

But I do promise: a) to vote tomorrow and b) that if I wake up at 2 am and Fresco has four new teeth, I will send a formal apology and a half-eaten hat to the Ortho Teething Pacifier people.