Ten — You Have to Cover Your Butt with Something

Summer has sort of arrived and I have Pants Issues.

In warm weather, I like short pants. Not shorts, never shorts unless I am running recreationally. And not SKORTS because I just have a thing against skorts. I trace it back to my adolescence when I was shopping for a cute skirt and all the skirts I thought were cute actually had shorts attached. It was the betrayal that stayed with me, not any actual objection to skorts, per se.

Well except for the word SKORT, which I hate.

Skirts are OK, but I don’t feel I have the right blend of semi-dressy-casual shirts to go with skirts. A skirt feels dressier than pants, it just does. It feels like it would necessitate a lifestyle change. I would love the perfect casual skirt that I could wear with my assortment of knit, various coloured, v-neck t-shirts. Anyone have one?

Which leads us to pants, my summer bottom covering of choice. I used to have linen capri pants and I loved them and they’re gone. LETTING IT GO. Recent years have found me in an assortment of light cotton beige pants and last year I decided I will no longer be buying beige pants because they match my skin and that freaks me out when I look at myself in a full length mirror.

After some browsing, last year I bought a pair of grey, cotton capris at MEC and they were awesome — an investment at $40 but I do tend to keep pants for years and years if I love them — and I was happy to find them in the summer box this year and happy to wear them, exactly twice, before they got washed with lip balm or something oily and now they have a giant oily patch on the left front pocket. It looks like I peed on myself, basically. So even though I Shopped for Pants just last summer, now I have to do it again (although a friend tells me I can get an oil stain out of cotton by rubbing eucalyptus into it? I will try this) and lo, I am cranky.

The other day I stopped at Reitmans (apostrophe? No apostrophe? Don’t care enough to google) and tried on what I thought were going to be the perfect blue plaid pants — oh, I am such a sucker for plaid. I tried one size and it felt too big but the smaller size felt too small so I went with the bigger.

I bought them, yes I did, and when I got them home, realized that they are just too big. I look like a clown in them. Reitmans just always seems like a good idea and then it isn’t; the pants I like have no pockets and the sizing is messed up. I should just not go in there. But now I have to go back and return the pants.

Meanwhile it’s HOT out and #whine.

Pants, man. Pants.

9 thoughts on “Ten — You Have to Cover Your Butt with Something

  1. L.

    Two questions:

    1) How do you feel about the word “culottes”? Apparently they were culottes when my mom wore them in the 80s and skorts when I wore them in the 90s (yes, yes I did. I liked it, even.).

    2) Maxi dresses? Yay or nay? You’d look cute, you’d feel comfortable, and you wouldn’t have the weird “pairing a shirt with a skirt” problem (is that a problem? I think it’s a problem).

    1. branch Post author

      I feel gross about the word culottes, although SA makes fun of them and that helps. CUUUUUULottes. And he refers to, like, my jeans as such, just to be funny.

      I tried a maxi dress a couple of years ago and I felt like a big sheet of wallpaper, but maybe will try again this year. If the empire waists are all done, we might have a winner.

  2. Nicole

    Okay, no, I have the solution. First, let me just once again say that shorts are the downfall of society. There is no piece of clothing less flattering to every single body type than a pair of shorts. Now – and I’m going out on a big limb here – I only feel that way about shorts on WOMEN. I know. I know. But it’s true. Shorts on men: fine. A bit hairy but whatever. Shorts on women? Atrocity. Unless you are a) doing something athletic (running, etc) or b) doing something outdoorsy like hiking. But for all other occasions, a nice light pair of capris is much better. And you do not have to be tall to wear capris, (although I know you are), you just need to get properly fitting ones.

    Okay. End rant. But here’s the thing: I bought three skirts from Old Navy to wear in Maui. They are light, comfy, they do not wrinkle, they are long enough not to show off your bikini wax or lack thereof, and they go nicely with t-shirts or tank tops, they are just that versatile. Here’s the link: http://oldnavy.gapcanada.ca/browse/product.do?cid=79586&vid=1&pid=898555013

    1. branch Post author

      I REMEMBER NOW You linked that skirt at Hannah’s place a while back I think. I knew there was someone..somewhere..who would know. Thank you.

  3. Christine

    Ricki’s miracle pants, I’m telling you. I haven’t been able to find reasonably flattering pants since I had a kid (which is more about my love of cake than my kid), and now I own one in every colour they make.

    They’re a bit like dress pants, but they’re more comfortable than my jeans. AND! They have miracle shorts, which are more like capris on me than shorts, but still somehow flattering!

  4. Pingback: Fifteen — Pants, the Conclusion | What We're Doing While We're Here

  5. Jen

    I will second Ricki’s. I also have a thing for Eddie Bauer pants, but that is because I am short and wide and they acknowledge some people are born that way.

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