Four co-workers in an elevator.
Co-worker B to me: Wow – you still haven’t received your new phone that you ordered 2 weeks ago?
Me: Mmm, long story, blah blah, but it should come any day. I live in hope.
Co-worker C: Oh my god, you live in Hope?
Me: (silence)
Co-worker C: Oh….you were being sarcastic…
Me: (silence)
Elevator: Ding!
In 1999, the world was going to end at midnight December 31st. Saint Aardvark and I, who were in between romantic relationships at the time, (both with each other and with other people) decided to drive across North America and back. We left Vancouver on July 1st and returned in late August, having eaten all the Taco Bell in America and showered maybe 6 or 7 times. We smelled so fantastic.
I mention this today for two reasons:
1. On January 30th we finally said goodbye to the van in which we travelled, MURR!! (who has since been languishing in a parking lot for 6+ years, waiting for us to love her enough to let her go) and I have been meaning to write a fitting tribute but have been too busy &
2. The other day I pulled a pair of knickers from my knicker drawer and realized that I wore them on our trip as the bottom half of a bathing suit. (I still have the tank top I wore as a top half, too.) I stared incredulously at them as I reflected that the very knickers I intended to wear under my trousers on an ordinary Tuesday have seen more sights than most knickers. They have seen the Pacific Ocean and many small lakes. Unfortunately, the tag is long gone so I cannot share with you their brand. But I can keep wearing them just a little while longer, until my bountiful belly takes over making that sort of decision for me. (ETA on that: 5 days)
Where MURR!! Took Us Continue reading
edited to add a caption; my favourite alleged line from Brokeback Mountain (which I haven’t actually seen): “I wish I knew how to quit you,”
The [smartest] babby [in the universe] has dug a tunnel bypassing my stomach and installed a sort of hamster-tube contraption which connects directly to my esophagus. When I eat, babby scoots up the tube & snatches the food right before it gets to the stomach, then hustles back to the uterus to eat to its heart’s content. Meanwhile my stomach sits empty and grumbling, waiting for the meal my tastebuds said was coming.
This is the only possible explanation.
I really want to do up some t-shirts that say
You Should See How Hard I Karaoke on the front and have a picture of a microphone on the back.
