Win-Win

The noise I can make with my face that drives the catt batshit crazy? (one time he bit my elbow to try to get me to stop) Makes the baby laugh hysterically.

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Sweet Baby – Week 15

At 15 weeks old, Trombone now weighs 16 lbs, 14 oz and has developed the digital dexterity necessary to use the camera:

He can grab things really well with both hands. Especially my face when I lean in to kiss his forehead. He also likes to grab my thumb and pinky with his two hands and pull as though my hand is a wishbone and he needs a golden pony.

Around the middle of week 14, I began to notice that my shoulder was always sopping wet after I had been carrying him around. Then I noticed that his right hand kept clutching the side of his head. Ever observant, I watched as he crammed his hands into his mouth from every possible angle, screaming when he couldn’t get both of them in. Teething, you say? Indeed.

By Thanksgiving, we were so tired from the night-time screamy waking that we just gave him a glass of my dad’s wine and drank the rest of the bottle ourselves. Let us now give thanks for wine.

No, not really. I mean really yes, let us give thanks. But not really we didn’t give the baby wine.

That night he slept all night long. And then, this past week, things were delightful again. We went for walks, we had naps on the couch, and though he slept through the ceremony, he attended his first wedding – that of his cousin once-removed to her beau. The fall sunshine was brilliant and warm; the ocean breeze delicate and refreshing. Too, too enjoyable.

When I got home from the wedding, my order had arrived from Jamtots, a cloth diaper webstore based in Victoria. We have been using a service (The Service actually, as Vancouver has but one diaper service) until now but that will end October 31st and we’ll be buying & laundering our own. I ordered various things, including a snappi – for the pin-free fastening of prefold and flat diapers. It’s pretty neat but I don’t find pins all that much trouble – except for when using prefolds that are too small, as we have been for 2 weeks because I forgot to call The Service and change our order. The Snappi, however, has not changed my life the way this has:

That is an orange Fuzzi Bunz pocket diaper on my son’s adorable butt. The outer shell is attached to a microfleece lining which wicks moisture through to the liner (stuffed separately into the diaper’s pocket.) It’s super absorbant, as you can stuff as many liner-like objects in there as you like. You could also hide your important papers in a zippered, waterproof baggie, if you wanted.

EXPENSIVE, to be certain. $20 + apiece, damn! (thank goodness I get $100 a month from Stephen Harper to spend any way I want!) That’s why I only bought one and why I made sure it was orange. They’re the most streamlined fitted diaper I’ve encountered yet, which is good because Trombone likes to exercise his legs and sometimes, with other fitted diapers + covers, he is wrapped so tight all he can do is look up at me helplessly.

He’s holding his head up on his own now. And he’s making lots of different noises – from a quiet, cooing chatter (incessant! how? born of two introverts?) to a piercing, catt-in-pain-type cry of delight. A couple of weeks ago he was doing a phlegmy gurgle due to all the excess teething saliva and the fact that I giggled every time he did it, but that seems to have passed.

In other words, all is well.

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Oh No They Didn’t

I watched Oprah today.

I kept watching, even after Bono joined her on stage in his Bono Glasses. (Dear Bono: STOP THAT.)

I kept watching, even when I saw that the show was about a new marketing campagin to help get AIDS medication to needy Africans.

[I argued with myself throughout; as Oprah took Bono shopping in her little red car, as they bought 10 of everything at The Gap and Armani because partial proceeds of each affiliated item are going directly to those Africans. My knee-jerk reaction to charitable marketing campaigns is why don’t you stop fucking consuming so much and just write a cheque but then I remind myself that people love to buy things. I love to buy things. Is it more likely that we could change an entire society of people who love to buy things or that we could USE their love of buying things to help people who CAN’T buy things.

Part of me wants to believe we could change and consume – and create specifically for charity-related consumption – less and give more.

But the other part knows that we probably won’t.

Still, I think that commercializing a cause can separate us from it, a separation that can result in more apathy. We buy the $20 breast cancer t-shirt, thus absolved of all responsibility, we move on. Does buying a red iPod help people understand the horror of AIDS in Africa? Or does it help people forget the horror of AIDS in Africa?

I remember an Oprah show from a few years back, when she was alerting the world to the horrors of fistula in Africa. I thought she was so brave to dedicate her whole show to something smelly and horrible. The images, the words of the women who had been helped, the faces of the doctors who were trying to work in deplorable conditions, all those things stayed with me. If someone at the mall had asked me to pay a dollar for a button to support victims of fistula I might have given it, but not been any more aware of how horrific it is. And I think understanding the horror of these situations is important. AS important as raising money as fast as possible so that the suffering may have relief? Perhaps not.]

I was actually changing Trombone’s diaper and it was one of those diaper changes where I let him kick naked for a while because he has so much fun and then he pees and I catch it in the diaper I have draped over him but then I have to get a new draper diaper and then he pees again and then I re-diaper him entirely and he whines because he likes to kick naked and hey guess what Oprah is still on.

Oprah is buying 10 red iPods. Oprah is buying 10 red Motorola phones with Kanye West. Oprah is not saying please or thank you to anyone. The lighting at the Gap isn’t as good as in Oprah’s studio. Oprah is buying 10 pairs of Armani red Bono Glasses. (Dear Oprah: DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM.)

And then Alicia Keys and Bono were to perform a song called “Don’t Give Up, Africa.” (I am making up the punctuation. That’s what it sounded like.) I thought: That is a nice sentiment. For Africa to not give up. I mean, Africa hasn’t shown any signs of giving up thus far, but I bet hearing those encouraging words from Bono and Alicia and Oprah (10! 10! 10!) really lifts their spirits. I wonder what the song sounds –

Well paint my rock and call me “Hermit.” Apparently this cover of Peter Gabriel’s “Don’t Give Up” is a year old already. Alas, for me, this is one of those songs no one else can perform, (even as a ringtone) so it set my teeth to chattering and my brow to furrowing. An arc of pee hit the change mat and Trombone giggled. An hour had passed and me with only a stack of damp diapers to show for it. I turned off the TV and made some chocolate chip cookies.

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Smite or Bless?

You all know that Goddessa loves to do some smiting. There is plenty in the world today richly deserving of smiting and if you disagree, Goddessa thinks you are being dangerously optimistic.

What you might not know is that sometimes Goddessa also blesses! There are plenty of things in the world richly deserving of encouragement and positive attention. It can be kind of beautiful, if somewhat sticky.

First, a smiting.

Today Trombone and I went on our morning walk to London Drugs to buy chocolate. (Does that sound like we walk to LD every morning for chocolate? That’s between me, Trombone and the London Drugs clerks. The rest of you can stay out of it.) Tomorrow my cousin is getting married – staging an elopement, actually – and we are bringing my new favourite chocolate: Green and Black’s.

I paused in the card isle, thinking I would attempt to choose an appropriate card for this occasion. Why did I think that? Has the card isle ever satisfied me? No, it has not. But hope, it’s not just a city 100 kms east of Vancouver.

There were frou-frou wedding cards with glued-on lace and embossed rings. There were religious cards with sparkly writing and money holders. There was a misplaced congratulations card that said, “You deserve a cookie. OK maybe two. Congratulations,” which was almost the right card but not quite. And then I Saw It.

Several index cards of different colours, attached at the upper left corner with a rivet. Card one: They Love.
Card two: She dreams. He smiles.
Card three: She talks. He listens.
Card four: She cries. He holds.
Card five: She sings. He laughs.

Goddessa came ferociously, like a shark to a seal family reunion. She roared like the ropey fingers of a Gulf Coast hurricane. She shocked the monkey with her cries of anguish. Of all the pansy-assed summaries of relationship; of all the stereotypical Venus/Mars crap; of all the sitcom myth of What Men and Women are Like. She dreams. He SMILES? He doesn’t get to dream? He doesn’t comment on the dream? He just smiles? He better do more than fucking smile when Goddessa tells him her dreams. He better offer some goddamn ENCOURAGEMENT.

The only one Goddessa understands is the singing and the laughing. But he’d better be laughing with, not at. (unless Goddessa is on stage) Or that’s going to be the shortest marriage in the history of short marriages.

Greeting card companies where if it’s a card that doesn’t rhyme you figure you’re done with the creativity for today? You Done Been Smote.

Oh and did I mention it was $6.79?

And now: Goddessa’s first blessing.

A few days ago I was at London Drugs checking the baby stuff to see if there was baby stuff on sale. There wasn’t. But across from the baby isle there is the feminine hygiene isle. And amidst a vast ocean of tampons and pads, there sat a small display of Diva Cups, the silicone, reusable menstrual cup. (They are fantastic to use, so much cheaper than disposables and could last you several years before needing replacing. And they come with a lapel pin that says “Diva.”) Goddessa was so impressed she did a brief jig of joy right there, to “How Will I Know?” by Whitney Houston, which seems always to be playing at London Drugs. Goddessa never thought she would live to see reusable menstrual products on the shelves of a mainstream drugstore. For providing actual choice to your customers, not just Tampon A versus Tampon B, London Drugs? You done been blest!

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Tooting my own Trombone

So there’s a thing called the Canadian Blog Awards? And the Cheeseblog has been nominated in both the Humour and Personal blog categories. Arwen is nominated in the Personal category too so now IT IS ON.

I feel weird mentioning this because it is self-promotion and that makes me uncomfortable but on the other hand it would suck to have zero votes because no one even knew there was a Canadian Blog Awards (I had no idea) let alone that they could vote for me so I would get a little button to stick on my sidebar so I’m mentioning it and faux humility be damned. And on the other, other hand, I’m up against Rick Fucking Mercer so let’s be done with the counting now and get me my concession speech, Sally.

Oh except the voting isn’t until November.

In other news, I have decided that my unnatural love for structure is conflicting with my new, loose-limbed lifestyle. Traditionally, when my life has been out of my control, I have Done Things to my hair. However, at the moment, a new me is forming in the bathroom wastepaper basket due to post-partum shed (there are clumps of hair that would make a yeti proud!) so dying it would be a waste of money and cutting it is out of the question because I need a ponytail for the kid to grab while I change his diaper.

My point is: my hair is no longer my emotional steering wheel.

All else I’ve got is the Cheeseblog. But of late, the posts are so sporadic and sometimes disappointing! I want them to be better. Partly I need more time and both hands free for typing. Those two things are not possible. But I am thinking that in the same way that I always wrote my best essays in school when I had a specific topic to address, perhaps having a specific requirement of my brain would help kick its ass into gear more often. (Yes! My brain has an ass! It’s getting fatter the more I sit on it and don’t climb stairs!)

So, like Sarah has her “Monday Montage” (pictures of her family) and her “Friday Funnies” (funny stories about her family) I am toying with the idea of a weekly topic-typey-thing to keep myself interested and the Cheeseblog updated. Interestingly.

That way, too, people will know what day to check in if they’re only interested in one topic. Baby updates on Saturdays. Introspection on Sundays. Politics on Mondays. Music on Tuesdays. Television on Wednesdays. Ducks on Thursdays and squirrels on Fridays.

Or, you know, something like that.

Well, when I implemented Sweater Vest Tuesdays at work last year, it was a big hit. So you just wait.

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