9 Truths I Have Observed and Might Even Venture to Call Universal

OK first, does it seem odd that the plural of “truth” is just “truth”S, without an “e” or something in there? It’s pronounced “troothes.” I think there should be an “e.” TRUTHES. But when I write that, I feel like Britney Spears. “Can you handle my truthes?”

1. If you lose your lip balm and you look for your lip balm everywhere and you are sure you didn’t accidentally launder your lip balm, the sure way to make it re-appear is to buy a new lip balm.
2. There is always one hidden tissue in a load of laundry.
3. As soon as you decide you are going to ignore rather than react to the Crazy, the Crazy will apologize to you for being Crazy and you will reconsider your slaphazard diagnosis of her as such. So – apology accepted and enjoy your salad dressing that you hauled out of the stinky fridge garbage, oh wait, that’s still The Crazy. Nevermind.
4. If you replace your carpet with hardwood floors, your toddler will start dropping things on it because WOW WHAT A NEAT NOISE!
5. Step on a crack [lose your balance; your mother dives to catch you] break your mother’s back. I get it now.
6. Nickelback will never stop sucking.
7. If your baby starts acting funny, it’s probably a growth spurt.
8. If you’re pregnant and YOU start acting funny, it’s probably a growth spurt.
9. If you set out writing a list of 9 things because you like the number 9, 8 of the items will come easily.