In Which the Cloak is Dropped And Secrets Revealed

I am standing in the bathroom at work, staring at myself. My hair is bound neatly by a clip, strands of grey peppering the dark brown. It’s clean today. My face looks somber, just a bit pink in the cheeks and with slightly purple shadows under the eyes. I am the only one who notices that I look different.

I am sick, sick, sick from the hormones, from this constant nausea – is it me or was I less sick-feeling the last time – from exhaustion, from hating my job and loving my kid and being completely flummoxed by the concept of having Another One in 8 months’ time.

On August 29 I took the pregnancy test into the bathroom thinking, “I am just fat and bloaty. Sure hate that. I must’ve eaten something a little ‘off’ and then I walked in the hot sun and didn’t drink enough water…” but before I could finish my list of reasons why I felt the way I felt, the list of reasons that did not under any circumstances include “because I”m pregnant” I looked at the stick, still doused in urine, barely enough time for the pee to seep in and already it was appearing. The second line.

Ha.

Ha ha.

Sure, I bought the generic pregnancy test whenever it was I bought it, I guess it would be 2005, the last time being pregnant was a concern for me, so I didn’t have the little handy guide they print on the box, ie: “One line: not pregnant, Two lines: pregnant.” So maybe the test was the opposite of what I thought? Maybe it was expired, yes, expired!

I wracked the Internet for sample boxes of pregnancy tests but eventually gave up and went to the drugstore to look at one on the shelf. I guess people steal them? Because there weren’t any on the shelf. I went to a different drug store and they didn’t have the brand I’d bought (all the brands are different, right? two lines on one brand might be the equivalent of one line on another brand?) so I just bought a new test and came home.

Handily I had to pee again (this because I had had a lot of water in the past hour, not possibly because I was pregnant) so did and once again, the most positive pregnancy test I have ever seen, even in my days of peeing on the free sticks at my volunteer job when I already knew I was pregnant, just to make sure I still WAS pregnant (yes, first trimester paranoia knows no bounds) this pee shot up the stick, the line lighting up like neon, like a thermometer in the mouth of a very sick person, like the donate-a-meter at the pledge drive after the cutest kid with leukemia comes out on stage, like google loads, like lightning, that fast.

Well then.

To the calendar. 6 weeks along? Is that possible? No, it’s impossible. Check the stick again; it is practically blinking at me. OK.

Not OK!

OK.

Where will it sleep? Will I keep working? How did this happen? Why do I have to find out on the first day of my vacation? How much wine did I have yesterday? How will I tell Saint Aardvark? And my boss?

Ha.

I hate my job; I hate it so much I got pregnant again to get out of doing it.

Back in the bathroom. My face reflects calm, shock, peace. I put my hand on my belly, swelled, yes, how could I have not seen this. Rub gently. “Hi,” I say.

I wrote this on September 10th and decided today was the day to publish it. It has been 4 weeks to the day since I discovered the new inhabitant of my body. With continued good fortune, this inhabitant will become a sibling for Trombone in April of 2008.

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25 Responses to In Which the Cloak is Dropped And Secrets Revealed

  1. Aaron says:

    first!

    anyways, congratulations!!!

  2. Joanna says:

    Oh, yay for you guys! Don’t worry. I know it’s easy for me to say that, but it will all work out. Just keep saying that to yourself: It will all work out. Plus, there’ll be another little one to love and a sibling for Trombone. We’re very happy for you guys.

  3. Arwen says:

    Hooray!
    I second Joanna. It will all work out. You will fall in love all over again, and so will the Saint, and the second one is in some ways easier.
    Here’s hoping for an utterly boring pregnancy, where you have just enough energy to be busy and forget you’re pregnant all together.

  4. p-man says:

    The riff on cancerboy is excellent. As for your news, you have my condolences. And there’s no chance, however remote, I’d buy you a drink at the Commodore Friday presuming a) our babysitter shows up; b) Mo and I recognize you in the crowd on account of your wings of cheese.

  5. cheesefairy says:

    Oh come on. Mama needs a china white!

  6. Jacqueline says:

    Wow! You brave woman! Congratulations!

  7. gen says:

    Hooray for you, the saint and trombone! As for where to put the newest member – the decorating magazines always say to go vertical. I have been contemplating a hammock strung above the computer myself.

  8. Suzie says:

    Y’all will rock the two baby household! Trombone will be so happy to have a little playmate! Welcome to the blogosphere little peanut!

  9. Shelley says:

    I’d call, because, well… HOLY SHIT!!!! but it’s 9:16 and I’m worried I’d wake wee Trombone. Oh my god, you guys! Well…. you’ve made amazing parents to one lucky little boy… so the little one lucky enough to come into your lives in the spring (yay, no summer heat!) is very fortunate indeed.

    Luck, love and all my thoughts are with you.

  10. mo-wo says:

    That is great news.. and I know, I know (I hate when people do that on blogs, but I am not above self-loathing it seems).

    My ying yang on it all.

    Does this mean you’ll have a daycare space opening up?

    ps.. of course I had to update my blog with your news. didn’t seem too familiar since we are already on some intersection of familiarity with you composing this ever important post on #1 child’s birthday.

    Look for us Friday, he’ll look like the yang link and I’ll look like this because I ahve been pregnant or recovering from pregnant for the last four fall fashion parades.

  11. MonkeyPants says:

    Hooray! You and SA are some of my favourite baby-havin’ folks.

    I seem to remember a minister at my church slept in an open dresser drawer for the first year of his life. Maybe that can work for you.

  12. sarah says:

    Have I taught you nothing? NOTHING?!?!

    I guess not. O well.

    Welcome to the dark side. Two under two will knock you on your ass, but you’ll never regret it.

  13. merseydotes says:

    Congratulations! That is great news.

    Now please send some of those extremely fertile vibes my way.

  14. Beth says:

    Wow! I am a frequent (daily) lurker, and have never commented on your site before, although I enjoy your writing immensely. This is certainly worthy of delurking …congratulations! You made tears come to my eyes with your writing.

  15. crystal says:

    Wow! Congratulations to the whole, growing family! I’m sure you’ve digested the idea by now, so I hope it’s a smooth ride.

  16. Grandad B says:

    You know how we feel and
    we know you will feel better soon.

  17. Deb says:

    Now that I’ve wiped off the coffee that I spit-taked onto the monitor…….Remember last time, when I heard ya’ll were having a kid, I was happy because you were originally not going to have kids, and that kinda bummed me because I thought you two would be great parents and squire a kick-ass little one blah blah blah? Well the only thing better than that is that you are doing it AGAIN!

  18. Kim says:

    I’ve jumped out from behind the lurk-curtain a few times, and this does seem like a wonderous occassion to do it again.
    CONGRATS!
    I hope that you have a healthy & happy rest of your pregnancy!

  19. j says:

    Damn! I’d say it’s about time you introduced me to the first one.

  20. Duncan says:

    Hey right on. Powerful and incredible news. I, for one, couldn’t be happier that you two are reproducing again. You can have another twenty-six of them if you want. The more of you and Aardrvark’s genes floating around the gene pool, the better. Hang on tight, deep breaths, and congratulations.

  21. OMG Congratulations!! Squeeeee!

    I tell you, the WHOLE INTERNET is pregnant right now. Well, at least a good 25% of my blogroll. Tis nuts!

    Best wishes and I can’t wait to “meet” the new one!

  22. Christina says:

    Congratulations! I just now stumbled upon your blog because I’m one member of the pregnant WHOLE INTERNET and was googling info on Discount Diapers in Point Grey, but I’ll be back because you’re funny and I like your writing. If that’s okay, of course.

  23. elswhere says:

    Congratulations!

  24. Gina says:

    Hey, wow! Congrats! I’m finally delurking (not sure when I discovered your blog, a while back) to say that I am pretty much the same amount pregnant! My first, very exciting. You’ll be fine- already experienced, right? Best wishes!

  25. metalia says:

    YAYAYAY! I’m so sorry I’m late to the party but I am SO excited for you!!