It Worked for the Windows

When I first returned to work I wrote a wee poem about keeping the skytrain windows shut in warm weather. The NEXT DAY I noticed the windows were shut and they stayed so for a couple of weeks at least. Yesterday, before we had to evacuate our train due to a drunk or high teenager vomiting on it, I noticed that the windows are now printed with “AIR CONDITIONED CAR. OPEN ONLY FOR EMERGENCY VENTILATION.” The air conditioned car part is new. (unsure as to whether teenager vomit warrants emergency ventilation.)

Screw democratic process: it appears I can influence public policy with my psychic powers!

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Sirs.
Your genitals are on the outside of your body,
I know
you have fierce natures that require you protect them from the world,
I know
you want, perhaps, to perpetuate your species
that is to say
continue
that is to say
keep screwing the ladies
[and the men]
with your very
important
genitals
I know.

the seats on this bus are not big enough
for your package!
yes, yes, you are too big
so big
wonderfully big
TOO BIG
for this two-seat to allow
you
your genitals
and me
equal space

I respectfully suggest – unless your genitals pay their own fare –
you keep your legs together
you know
the way they suggest we ladies do
so that I may rest my entire buttock
upon this seat, rather than perching upon one
and bruising my tailbone
and compromising my own reproductive ability
to boot.

yes. my genitals are on the inside.
but they still matter!

sirs.
if you are overweight, I forgive you.
if you are disabled, it’s all right.
if you are 15 and masturbating in those giant pants
well
what can I do about that
but as for the rest of you
who seem intent on taking more than your fair share
you who probably steal the covers
and who probably pass on the right on the highway (another poem, another day)
step one
close your goddamn legs
step two
lose the aftershave
step three
you’re not as important as you think.