I am Saving You The Trouble

Don’t read any sleep books for advice about your kid. Don’t read the Internet. All you do is this.

1. Make plans to meet someone outside your home. Say, for coffee.
2. Put baby down approximately 2 hours before you have to meet the person outside your home, thusly allowing for the longest possible nap the baby has ever had, plus 15 minutes to get to your destination.
3. Baby will sleep so long you have to wake baby up in order to get to your destination. If you are lucky, baby will not mind being woken if you give it a cookie.

Bonus: You will walk so fast (pushing stroller, uphill both ways etc.) to not be late to your coffee date that you will feel very virtuous.

Done! Send me cheques!

Oh. Might not work for nighttime.

SLEEP TEACH 2007! is going well. Very well. It’s working. That’s all I can say until Trombone is 18 and I no longer have any investment in his sleep habits. I gently direct you away from this topic to the following paragraph.

Hey, look over here! Did you know there is a television show on at 3 pm called NWA? I stared at these two whitey white anchor-types for a few minutes, “NWA” floating on the lower right side of the screen, waiting for the punchline. The punchline? A talk show called North West Afternoon. Aha.

So I had the first 10 minutes of Oprah on this afternoon and Trombone sauntered (read: staggered whilst gripping the edge of the windowseat) over to stare at the TV. He smiled at Oprah and then he moved closer to the TV, which is at his head level, roughly, and he put out his hand and touched the screen, making his little “heh” noises of pleasure.

She really is queen of the universe, isn’t she.

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