Like Those Kids on Kink

I was at Safeway this afternoon, scanning the snack food isle for new chips (none to report, sadly) and spotted:

BLAST O’ BUTTER

microwave popcorn. (For the Irish popcorn lover in all of us! it didn’t say.)

It had this truly awful graphic, like maybe their designer had a vendetta against them because they were such a cheap, assholish company so he decided to quit and as a parting shot he designed this explosion of canary yellow goo and told them it was really “hip” and “now” and “2.0” or whatever they wanted to hear. Probably he even pitched it to them with a Powerpoint presentation because they ate that shit up. And they were such idiots, so susceptible to buzzwords, even those used horribly out of context, they went ahead and printed up millions of cardboard boxes.

BLAST O’ BUTTER.

But wait, after I had shaken my head and started pushing the stroller away, having remembered I needed bacon with a need that has not been seen since Bogart and Bacall, from the corner of my eye another box of microwave popcorn (who knew there were so many flavours?) taunted me.

White and Buttery.

And I laughed. And I laughed. I laughed all the way to the bacon, through the checkout, then I stopped laughing. While I was waiting for the light to change, I thought of it again.

White and Buttery.

And I laughed all the way home.

And I’m laughing now.

And I may never stop laughing.

And if I ever do, I’ll just go back to Safeway. Awesome.