Neighbourhood

I have walked past this house in my neighbourhood probably – let’s see; baby = 4 months one week old but I stayed pretty close to home for 2 weeks, so 3 months 3 weeks is 15 weeks, 15 x 5 = 75 – 75 times and have managed to not yet mention it to you.

It has an astroturf lawn.

That is all.

(No, of COURSE that is not all. )

At first, I was offended. I was walking by – come to think of it, I was still pregnant because I was walking by with my mom and my cousin and we were going to White Spot for lunch because the White Spot at 6th Ave and 6th St. has an upscale patio (including fountain) overlooking the bus stop, so make it 76 times – and noticed how the sun was glinting a little too uniformly over the lawn of this particular house. It was as though the dew gnomes had spent a good two hours touching each individual blade of grass. The lawn is elevated above the sidewalk, contained within a cement wall, so it was at arm-level. I reached out and was startled to feel plastic. Dry plastic – it was, after all, mid-day in June, so it couldn’t have been dew, maybe that’s what tipped me off that something was wrong.

Astroturf lawn? I mean, ick, right? Ick? Are we all agreed? Astroturf is for football fields, pitch ‘n putt courses, uh, dollar store topiary. No really, at the dollar store across from the White Spot, they sell round balls that dangle, sort of like disco balls but they are made of astroturf. I LOVE NEW WESTMINSTER.

(Hey, did you know that “astroturf” is a new way of referring to a “fake grass-roots movement?” )

By the 23rd or 24th time I walked by, always making a mental note here comes the fake lawn, jeez, I should really blog about this because THIS is what blogs are for, I started thinking – well, why not astroturf? No allergic reactions, no grass cutting for whoever lives there, the grass looks real enough unless you get too close but you wouldn’t be touching other peoples’ lawns anyway unless you were some kind of giant freak. Self? I’m talking to you, here. I bet dogs don’t poop on it. The scary lawn beetle wouldn’t go near it. Snow probably falls on it just the same, so you can still make snowmen. What’s the point of a real grass lawn anyway?

I have yet to come up with an answer. I mean, I don’t want an astroturf lawn because I intend to roll around in the grass, tussling with my dog and son, getting damp and stained. But if someone else wants one? That’s cool.

I still think fake Christmas trees are a travesty.