Phase Two: Learn Photoshop

This morning’s Globe and Mail displayed Pamela Anderson’s boobs on the front page to indicate that she had hosted the Juno Awards last night. My first reminder that I had been out of the office environment for a few days was when I could not stop myself from exclaiming, “Geezus! She could feed a sealer’s family for a week with those things!” *

Evidently I left my inside voice in my other pants.

The only person within earshot was co-worker A. We proceeded to discuss at length how best Pamela could use her huge assets (boobs) to help the innocent baby seals whilst keeping her big detriment (mouth) shut. And both of us agreed that the funniest image ever would be Pamela in warm (not fur) clothing, schlepping across the ice, two baby harp seals (white fuzzy ones of course) attached to each nipple.

*And by feed for a week, I don’t mean strictly in the breastfeeding sense, since as far as I know Pamela is not currently lactating, nor am I certain that one CAN breastfeed with boobage that has suffered so much augmentation. I mean, are those nipples actually connected to anything anymore? However, I’m sure that if she auctioned off the contents of said boobage, she could earn enough money to offset the costs a ban on sealing would inflict on the people of the east coast.