Princess, Puppy and Pirate Parties

Today, I really needed to come across the listing for “Clowns” in the Yellow Pages. I have left it open on my desk so that when people come by and are idiots approximately every 15 minutes, I can look down and laugh, thus stopping myself from feasting on their forebrains. 15 minutes at a time.

1. A Big Unforgettable Party! Featuring Live Rabbit and Cotton Candy. I’m unsure if these are party tricks or maybe cover bands?

2. A Zany Zack Clown
Just one, mind you. Not ALL the Zany Zack Clowns. What are you, some kind of clown hog?

3. Ask Twister the Clown
“Twister, will the idiots all die at midnight?”

4. Call In the Clowns Tickles Yowza and Family
Call in the commas, dude.

5. The Clownerie (Feat. balloon twisting, train rides, Ducky & Dizzy Stage Show [!])
Why in heaven’s name am I working in an office when I could be part of something like The Clownerie? Another question for Twister, I guess.

6. Giggles “The Guitar Lady Clown” The most gentle clown in the world! This is my favourite, as I have been tortured by violent clowns my whole life.

7. Princess, Puppy and Pirate Parties
!!!!

8. Scooter the Clown
Dear God.

9. Whistles The Clown
Someone get this man a coffee.

10. Woops-a-Daisy
looks a bit too much like Stevie Nicks for my liking.

Originally I was thinking: that’s 10 years of birthday parties for the babby! But after going to some of those websites, I feel quite strongly that clowns are funnier on paper.