Mammal, Mammal. Their Names are Called; They Raise a Paw.

This morning, I came across this story, about a Canadian Senator, Céline Hervieux-Payette, who received (as did all the senators) a letter from an American family. The letter expressed disgust and dismay that the seal hunt was going ahead for 2006 and further warned her/us that if we didn’t end the seal hunt, this particular family from Minnesota would never come to Canada again. And they like it in Canada. They like to vacation here. But not while we’re killing seals.

Senator Hervieux-Payette, unlike her fellow senators, wrote back. And in her letter she listed some of the things she finds dismaying and disgusting about the U.S:

“…the daily massacre of innocent people in Iraq, the execution of prisoners – mainly blacks – in American prisons, the massive sale of handguns to Americans, the destabilization of the entire world by the American government’s aggressive foreign policy, etc…”

and futher explained that the seal hunt is a well-regulated tradition and a great money maker for people who have no other employment options. So come on up and see us sometime.

I couldn’t stop myself: some kind of weird testosterone/patriotism came over me and I pumped my fist in the air and shouted “fucking too right!” I wanted to high five that senator. I wanted her to be the spokesperson for all of Canada. I wanted her to tickle Stephen Harper until he cried for mercy.

After a minute, my other side said, “Hmm, but that’s not really very nice, is it? I mean, these people were just expressing their opinions. And it’s not their fault they’re Americans. I mean, who knows what kind of Americans they are. They might be very nice, Democrat Americans. They might hate Bush and the war too. And that’s why they love the seals so. And really, a senator shouldn’t stoop so low as to fire back on the same level as someone who accuses her of murdering innocent whatevers.”

It’s fun when the gut speaks before the brain. Refreshing, even. Especially if you’re appointed, rather than elected.

* * * * * *

I’ve been following the seal hunt fury for the last few weeks. When Paul McCartney stepped in and said, “Oy, stop killing seals you lot! I’m coming to sit on your ice floes and I’m not getting up without a seal hunt ban,” I got pretty defensive and swore at the radio and called Sir Paul all kinds of nasty names, just on principle. Somewhere in trying to figure out whether I was justified in all this shouting, I realized I had no knowledge-based opinion about the seal hunt. Whether or not it was ethical, right, humane. Sealane. Whatever. Short answer: I agree with it. Go get those seals, boyos & girlos.

Long answer:

The last I had heard, seals were not in any danger of extinction. In fact, the DFO-informed seal info site says that seal populations have been monitored and managed since the ’60s and that, “the most recent (1985) advice from NAFO (Northwest Atlantic Fisheries Organization) indicates that pup production is in the neighbourhood of 500,000 animals, with an associated population of animals one year and older of about 2.0 million seals.” If the annual seal-hunt quota is 335,000 (and it is this year) I would say that we’ve got plenty of seals.

The problem is, I suspect, that seals are awfully cute. They have big, round eyes and whiskers, making them somewhat like dog/cat crosses. 20 years ago the protesting was all about the red blood against the white fur of the baby seal. But it’s been illegal since 1987 to club the fuzzy, white (baby) seals. Once they’ve shed their fuzzy white fur, it is fully legal to club the sleek, silver (still baby) seals, as long as you are licensed to do so and stick to your quota.

The main objection that the International Fund for Animal Welfare seems to have to the seal hunt is that it’s unnecessarily cruel. “In the past three years, nearly one million baby seals have been clubbed or shot to death,” they say. “Newborn seals skinned or bled alive … clubbed to death … or shot and left wounded to die under the ice.” They describe seals being hooked and dragged across the ice, only to be skinned before their hearts stop beating. (the CBC backgrounder explains that seals have a swimming reflex or a post-death twitch, much like a chicken with its head cut off will still run around the barnyard but it is, regardless, dead.) Now first, I get that dead baby seals are more compelling than dead adult seals but come on – it’s a seal. It’s not like the baby seal, if left unmolested, will grow up to be president of the United States. It will grow up to be an adult seal, which will live its life for a while and then die and I bet no one will give a damn because adult seals aren’t as agreeable when you try to cuddle one. Go on, try it!

And second, you want to talk about cruelty? How about fishing? You put a hook in the water and yank a fish out by its mouth and then hit it with a stick to kill it? And that’s for SPORT, that’s not even for commercial purposes. You’re telling me that’s not cruel? No, you’re telling me you don’t care because fish have little squinty eyes and they don’t have whiskers (except some fish do, you know) and they’re slimy and they taste good with lime and hey, there’s lots of fish. But how was your chicken dinner killed, Minnesota letter-writing-people? How about your beef? How about your milk? Cows impregnated over and over again, only to have their calves taken away so that the milk can be harvested and sold to grocery stores across the country? No, that’s not cruel. I’m sure the cows love that. The calves too. Why are you focusing on seals when there are so many animals to which you are cruel every day?

I’m not saying I’m vegan. I’m totally not vegan. I like bacon a lot and I know it comes from pigs and I buy it in a plastic package so probably it didn’t come from a pig that was loved and cherished and gently ushered into a sweet hereafter. I eat cheese. I even eat ORANGE cheese. Terrifying stuff. But I also don’t walk around yelling about how inhumane slaughterhouses are. Because that would make me a hypocrite. And I think a lot of people latch on to causes like the seal hunt because they can do that without seeming hypocritical – just critical. It’s very hard to give up meat and dairy products, or to choose more ethically produced meat and dairy products. On the other hand, it’s pretty easy to give up seal skin shoes and seal meat burritos, (I quit cold turkey!) making the seal hunt one of those causes anyone can get behind without having it block his or her view.

(Don’t even get me started on Luna, the dumbest whale ever to make love to a tugboat propellor. The article refers to a request to do a coroner’s inquest into the whale’s freak death. How the hell is this a “freak death?” He liked to snuggle with boats; he had been cut by a propellor before; I would say this is akin to an addict dying of an overdose. Sure, it’s sad, but Luna himself always seemed pretty happy. And if he was indeed the reincarnation of the dead chief of the Mowachaht-Muchalaht First Nation, then I trust the chief knew what he was doing.)

I’m not starting.

(Oh except to say that if CBC wanted to mix it up a little, they could have Donnelly Rhodes play “The Whale Coroner” – kind of a cross between Danger Bay and Da Vinci’s Inquest and that would be great for at least a couple of episodes.)