I was So Weak. And it Hurt Me

I was unable to move last night, mildly flu-d on the sofa, watching every channel for 2.8 seconds. I did catch Peter Mansbridge close off The National for the first time in weeks with, “..thanks for waiting” and a tear came to my eye. Peter has allowed himself to go grey around the edges. It’s so nice.

And then I came across Much Music where some women were dancing in tight clothing and the one in the middle was singing about her hump. Her hump her hump her hump. And patting it. And about how great she was and how men are nice to her because of her hump. Oh, and her lovely lady bumps as well. Men like her a lot! They want to buy her things. She is going to entrance them with her hump and then get lots of ice. Because of her hump! Her hump!

Saint Aardvark was on his way from the kitchen somewhere else and he sank down on the sofa next to me and we watched, gape-mouthed, as the video continued.

A man with a hat said,

“I met a girl down at the disco
She said hey hey hey ya lets go
I can be ya baby, you could be my honey
Lets spend time not money
And mix your milk with my cocoa puff
milky milky cocoa mix
your milk with my cocoa puff
Milky milky
Riiiiight… ”

and Saint Aardvark’s left eye exploded.

Then the humped lady said:

“They say I’m really sexy
The boys they wanna sex me
They always standin next to me
Always dancin next to me
tryna feel my hump hump
Lookin at my lump lump
you can look but you can’t touch it
if you touch it
I’ma start some drama
you don’t want no drama
No no drama no no no no drama
So don’t
Pull on my hand boy
you aint my man boy
I’m just tryna dance boy”

By now you all probably recognize this song because it’s the new Black Eyed Peas single which means I can’t leave the house for 6 months for fear of hearing it and having an attack of apoplexy.

“I say no
but they keep givin
So I keep on takin
And no I aint fakin
We can keep on datin
ill keep on demonstrating”

[But how can we be lovers when we can’t be friends? How can we start over when the fighting never ends, baby? How can we make love when we can’t make amends? Tell me, how can we be lovers when we can’t be, can’t be friends?]

The 4th wave of feminism has arrived. Get to high ground.