Bargains

Is it wrong to buy someone a wedding present and then not give it to them?

OK, what if it’s chocolates and it’s only PART of a wedding present? The other parts being less edible and more special?

What if it’s the same kind of chocolates that they gave away at their wedding, as favours? Then I would really be doing the sensible thing by not taking coals to Newcastle, so to speak. Because after your wedding, do you want to eat chocolates? No – you probably have lots of leftover chocolates, because you wouldn’t just buy enough for exactly as many guests as you were expecting, right? And they would be your favourite kind because you chose them! I probably didn’t buy their favourite kind. That’s bound to be disappointing and then they might re-gift the chocolates and probably not to me because I got a lovely floral arrangement that appears to be bound to live forever.

How about if I haven’t had a chance to drop off the gift yet, so the chocolates are almost a week old? Is it wrong to eat them then? I think it’s better to eat them, because they are High Class chocolates that have not been refrigerated. They have just been sitting in a gift basket with the other gifts, under my kitchen table, taunting me clear across the city while I’m working. While I’m working I hear them. They sing.

What if I promise not to drink the wine I bought them, also in the basket?

OK…

What if I promise:

• not to drink the wine I bought them,
• to re-pot the dying plant I brought home to save on Labour Day weekend (that’s almost 3 weeks ago, you know),
• and to stop the editing frenzy that has resulted in 0 (zero) posts actually being posted here in the last 10 days?

Oh and of course I solemnly swear to obsessively watch America’s Next Top Model and Martha Stewart’s Apprentice and write lengthy comparisons of the two.

To start us off right, check out these shoulders on contestant 13. Good Gracious! Did she bust right through her sleeves?

And here’s Kim, allegedly the lesbian contestant. Or is it Billie Joe Armstrong. You decide.