Assorted Etc. with Top Hits!

Reality Shows I am Waiting for:

Road Rage: a battle for the finish where the finish is another red light and the weapons used include the car horn, the stereo, the clutch and the cell phone headset. But mostly the car horn. Because people pay attention and follow your directions when you honk at them. Especially when you LEAN ON THE HORN for no good reason. SEE HOW THAT HURTS? IT HURTS because I’m yelling. IT HURTS ME WHEN YOU HONK! STOP IT! There are people outside my apartment who honk. That’s why I’m screaming. Just so you know.

Pimp My Pimp!: where those dudes who sit drinking coffee with their legs spread wide and the crotch of their jeans hanging to their ankles and big gold dollar sign necklaces around their necks get taken to Pimp College and forced to wear fuzzy hats and carry magic sticks. Because isn’t that what “pimp” means? Fuzzy hats?

Cheer my Hottie!: where the sad, sad girls with the non-ringing cell phones and the limp-from-the-heat hair and the slightly chipped pedicures pout competitively for a chance to win a chance to win a date with a newly pimped pimp from Pimp my Pimp! What they don’t know is: it’s not just a date!

I just saw a commercial for a Furby. Are they back? From where?

I have been listening to radio paradise at work again this week. I have phases – from time to time all I want at work is Soundgarden or Wheat or J.Lo. Yes, it depends quite a bit. But from other time to other time, Radio Paradise makes me SO HAPPY I WANT TO HONK!

um.

So Happy.

I am so happy because of artists like Madeline Peyroux who has covered Leonard Cohen here, which can sometimes be good and sometimes be not good but in this case, I think it’s good. I don’t generally like it when (air quotes) Jazz artists (end air quotes) cover anything, especially Tom Waits and Leonard (see: Holly Cole; Michael Buble; whassername who married Elvis Costello *he was mine, really he was*) but everytime I hear her sing, I stop what I’m doing and stare at that picture. I really dig this woman’s voice.

Of course, I also loved Maroon 5 for 20 days or so. Look how that turned out.

But just look at this playlist . Isn’t it nice?

Dave Grohl has impossibly white teeth. But I still want to hug him. See what I mean?

OK by now it should be obvious that I am watching television while I write this. And apparently the Backstreet Boys are not rotting in a pit somewhere but have re-formed to make a song that, I swear, I have heard before and thought it was one of those crappy fake Nickelback bands. Wow. ANYONE can be a crap rocker!

And also. Shawn Desman. There is something very wrong with this young man.

1. He’s the one who sang about rocking it in the T-Dot. With some of the worst dancing ever. I should know. I am a terrible dancer.

2. So then he made the song about dancing. And someone remixed it.

3. Then he made the song with the keyboard where he presses the keyboard keys with an intensity that should be reserved for the Man Who Sits by the Red Phone in Case it Rings to Alert Him To Nuclear War. The song is called “Let’s Go” and unless you see the video you will not know what I mean by Shawn Desman. Apparently, “this fusion of classic and contemporary elements is what Desman calls “Progressive R&B”. ” (What the world needs now. Is prog, sweet prog…)

4. And finally, what brings me to Shawn Desman is his new song called Red Hair, all about hair salons, small dogs and – of course! – dancing. See?

God, I hate Shawn Desman. I hate his gleaming smile. I hate his fancy sneakers. I hate his persistence. I hate him almost more than I hate the Black Eyed Peas.

God, I really hate the Black Eyed Peas.

Stupid Coldplay.