The Art of Marriage

It’s been four years to the day since our wedding and I still choke on the word “husband.” But when I say “partner” I feel like I’m being deliberately vague. And when I say “boy-toy” nobody believes me.

Odd, isn’t it.

In my second favourite picture from that day, Sarah holds me to my word. The shotgun was left over from the year we went as JFK, ( Michael ) Jackie O. (Sarah) and Lee Harvey Oswald (me) to a Halloween party. It was the perfect party for all of us: Michael had an obscure costume he could explain to people; Sarah looked just like Jackie O. (she does Halloween better than anyone I know) and I got to sit in the corner in my favourite plaid, flannel shirt and a baseball cap, clutching a plastic shotgun and drinking a beer. In other words, looking much as I do at parties anyway.

We didn’t have a cake for our wedding. We have a sister-in-law who makes fantastic pastry and she offered us a cake but we declined. It just wasn’t one of the top ten things we thought we needed.
(10. Wine; 9. Music; 8. Guests; 7. (me) Clothes (SA) A fez; 6. Marriage commissioner; 5. Best man/best woman; 4. Space; 3. Gifts for guests; 2. Rings; 1. Balloons.)

I was talking to a girl the other night and she said her brother is getting married and he and his bride-to-be are discussing cakes that cost upwards of $2,000. They had the sister over for a cake tasting. While she was grateful for the opportunity (cake!), she shared my mystification around $2,000 cakes. I don’t think our whole wedding cost $2,000. On the other hand, some cake might have been nice. I don’t know if I really appreciated cake in 2001 the way I appreciate cake now.

The 4th anniversary is supposed to be themed around books, flowers and fruit according to this crazy website. Among their suggestions: get yourself (and your “other”) titled as a gift. (Only if you enjoy the privileged world, though. Don’t even THINK about it if you don’t.)

Or, purchase an eternity ring. See, these are, “normally given on your first wedding anniversary or your first child’s birth. One thing it proves is you will love each other for an eternity.” It proves it! The ring proves it! Wooohooooh! That’s more precious than life insurance, or coal!

I got to thinking: fruit? Flowers? Books? That can’t be right. I remember those little free calendars my mom used to get from the Carleton Card store. They used to have a list of traditional gifts and it went something like 1: leather 2: paper 3: swine…25: gold…50: diamonds…75: holy crap you’re still alive? I recall no mention of fruit. On the other hand, it seems like a subtle opportunity for parents and in-laws to really turn those “grandchild” screws. “Here’s a basket filled with ripe melons and a flowering, potted violet. Pregnant yet?”

I went to the next page retrieved by google and found that indeed, fruit and flowers (and sometimes linen) really are the traditional 4th anniversary gift. Electrical appliances are the modern version. Books are just a good gift anytime. I went on to another page and they broke it down for me nicely. I’m bookmarking that sucker for the next time I need a step-by-step guide to just about anything.

Fruitcake it is. Seems appropriate.