Stimulant or Depressant? You Must Choose.

Useless product of the day: Molson Kick. It’s a “…refreshing tasting lager with naturally occurring caffeine.” Looks like a coca cola, probably tastes like pee, comes in a “shatter proof aluminum bottle” (no more bar fights with beer bottles I guess, DAMMIT my youth is truly over) and will wake you up some, though it’s hard to say with only 55 mg of caffeine per bottle (half as much as in a cup of coffee, I seem to recall?) battling the 5% alcohol/volume plus all the other shit Molson puts in their beer. Maybe the caffeine helps you not get a headache the next day. But is it a selling point that even Molson considers their product to be so boring as to warrant a caffeine injection?

What’s with the stimulant beverages anyway? Fucking Red Bull everywhere I look. Am I the only person who goes to sleep at night? Can you buy speedballs at the grocery store yet? Just wondering.

OH newsflash on the cover of the Province today: DEVIL CRYSTAL METH DESTROYS LIVES or somesuch. Picture of a grinning Evil Man saying “erghhhhh.” Black background, white pointy text. I think we can move on from the mass hysteria now and actually do something about the meth prob. yes? Attempts at encouraging mass hysteria have been noted by me for at least three years. Comparably enthusiastic attempts at helping addicts and those they impact have not been noted.

What else has been noted?

• Yesterday’s Globe and Mail had a brief piece about the so-called Hipster PDA. Index cards and a pen, apparently. I don’t think they were kidding. I didn’t read the whole article because I was spontaneously combusting (all better now, thanks) but apparently when we are offered over-technological tools to do our jobs, we don’t choose the right tools and we become mired in our tools and can no longer do our jobs. My hope is this creates a glut of unused & dirt cheap Blackberries because I think they’re neato. I’ve already got a lot more pens and index cards than anyone who uses a computer all day has a right to.
• This morning, GATS watched the Sun Run on his big TV.
• There was a movie about Barbies in Fairyland on my TV but I didn’t watch it past the opening credits, just long enough to notice that there was only one person credited with writing the music but pairs of people credited for everything else. I like to think this was done intentionally, so that the writers, producers, concept designers, etc. would never be alone and tempted to abandon the project. I can imagine the two writers holding each other late at night over a case of Red Bull, shaking with shame and self-loathing but having to keep going and do that third re-write.
• Thank goodness Trumpy finally fired that dipstick Chris the other night. God I hate short men and their chewing tobacco’d, barky little mouths. And then, when they’re fired, they CRY! Ha! Just ’cause I’m feeling mean today, Double Ha!
• I got green nailpolish and roller eye shadow and chips. Happy Sunday.

The end.