My Fascinating Throat or How a Freakishly Long Neck Can Get you Into Trouble

Three weeks ago I went to a walk-in clinic for my sore throat that never became a cold. The diagnosis took place after a quick flashlight down the throat and an interrogation. The doctor then said, “Looks like tonsillitis. I will give you some antibiotics.” Only after filling the prescription did I remember what I had read about sore throats being due either to viruses or bacteria and how it is impossible to tell the difference between the two unless a test is done. I was a little iffy about taking the antibiotics for what might be a viral and thus incurable infection, especially considering that a lot of the theory behind the Chin Itch points to an overabundance of yeast which can be attributed to the overuse of antibiotics. However, in light of my history with strep throat, I decided to take the drugs and about ten minutes later, the infection went away. I continued taking the drugs because I know how important it is to take antibiotics right to the end. I did not want to tempt a giant super-tonsillitis bacterial invasion of my throat.

A mere 5 days after I finished taking the many pink pills, my throat began to hurt again. I waited and hoped it would go away but it did not. On Monday, the 5th day – because before 5 days a doctor won’t take your sore throat seriously – I went to the same walk-in clinic at a different time, hoping for a different doctor.

Indeed he was different and I did rejoice. He looked down my throat with a flashlight and then said, “It’s very inflamed but impossible to tell what’s causing it without a swab. Would you like a swab or a prescription for antibiotics?” I practically swabbed myself I was so thrilled. Then I went back to work.

The next morning at 4:30 I woke up with discomfort, not pain, when I swallowed. At first I thought it was because of the ibuprofen I took before going to sleep. (Tip One: Ibuprofen works for a sore throat. Logical – as it is an anti-inflammatory and a sore throat is an inflammation, but my WHOLE LIFE it never occurred to me to take medicine for a sore throat. Damn! Is there anything marvellous Ibu can’t do?) But throughout the day, I just felt better and better, to the point where I became obnoxious with glee.

For all you “tonsil infection + cure” googlers, here are the things I did different that day that might have cured me:

a) Going to the doctor.
b) Zinc lozenges with vitamin C.
c) Pasta with pesto and extra garlic for dinner – my first plate of pasta in two months. Oh blessed pasta with your rich, wheaty crunch and whistle. I think the wheat sensitivity is gone. Actually, I’ve decided it’s gone.
d) Gold Christmas tree.
e) Dumb luck/5 day virus.
f) Glorious, miracle-working ibuprofen.
g) Maraschino cherries.

I so totally know it was the pasta with garlic. By giving my body the ammunition it needed in the food it loves and respects, I was saying, “Yo, bitch, kick that tonsillitis in the ASS!” So it did.

Today I got a call from the doctor’s office, asking how I was feeling. I said Quite Well! He said, “The swab showed strep bacteria. But it seems like your immune system has fought it off.”

The moral of the story: eat what you want. And don’t forget the maraschinos.