First Week of School and I Am Thinking About Pants

When I was a kid I wanted to wear sweatpants to school. Everyone ELTSE (that’s for you, Phil) got to wear sweatpants to school. Why couldn’t I?

My parents’ answer was:

“Because it isn’t appropriate clothing for school.”

The End.

My dad also had a rule about wearing pyjamas to the breakfast table. The rule was: Get dressed before breakfast.

He is a nice man, I swear.

Anyway because of these two “These are the clothes that people should see you wearing, otherwise you might as well subscribe to Shame Weekly and go read it while you sit in a Shame Hut,” rules, I don’t sit at the table eating cereal in my bathrobe and I can’t wear sweatpants outside unless I am running.

(I have no such compulsion about my children. They can wear pyjamas, yesterday’s pyjamas, next year’s soccer jersey, whatever, as long as it doesn’t smell. I will not have smelly children. Hahahahaha as if.)

Before my morning shower, I wear my House Pants. They are yoga pants. I do not do (much) yoga in them, or much exercise. They do not need to Wick much Sweat because I don’t tend to work up much of a sweat using my yell-muscle.

After my shower, I get dressed. This does not mean I put on my elegant, locally designed, fashion-forward outfit. It means I put on jeans and place my House Pants on my bed where I will retrieve them, fondly, when my day of working is over, that I might bloat and belch in peace on my couch.

Too much? Too bad!

I do not judge those who wear their yoga/sweat/house pants OUT of the house. I can’t do it (unless I am pregnant or sick enough to not notice) but I don’t care if you do. I love you, yoga pants wearing people! Your bums are supreme!

Yesterday I did several school trips: to Trombone’s school to drop him off, then to Fresco’s preschool to wait for an hour while he got used to being around people his own height, then back to Trombone’s school at 2 pm to pick him up.

And for whatever reason, at all these drop-offs and pick-ups and stand-arounds, I noticed a lot of peoples’ pants. There are 10 parents at the preschool I don’t know and 77 parents at the kindergarten I don’t know and I guess that rather than make pleasant conversation about dogs and children and the weather, I would prefer to stare at their pants.

Importantly, I noticed that everyone except me, the dads, and maybe two or three women were wearing yoga pants.

Which, of course, is ‘a thing’ people say about stay-at-home parents. That they just wear their yoga pants all day. Wherever they go. I hadn’t noticed it at Trombone’s old preschool — probably because of the variation in caregivers. Moms and dads on their way to work, and nannies, and grandmas. Even the stay-at-home dads wore jeans. Because dudes don’t wear yoga pants, right?

“Huh.” I thought. “It’s true what they say. About the people wearing the yoga pants in the schoolyard. I never noticed it before!”

When I got home, my computer told me that Vancouver had won 3rd prize in a “Who is the Worst Dressed City in Canada?” contest. (Why did we even enter, I wonder?) Accordingly, my tweet stream was filled with both vitriol and passionate love for yoga pants. (and fleece. And Goretex [a waterproof fabric that makes a good jacket in a RAIN FOREST like Vancouver.]) But mostly yoga pants.

People get very upset about yoga pants! They really do. There is a time and a place and etc. I always figured people wore their yoga pants all the time because those Lululemon pants cost $100! If you only wore them once a week for yoga there would be no value!

But no. I realized something this morning, when I found myself thinking, Why in god’s name should I change my pants when I will be home again in 10 minutes?

Obviously, people wear their yoga pants to school because they are going right back home again.

I have never done this. It is weird to do this.

Trombone’s old preschool was a short drive away, but I never went home after dropping him off. After getting the three of us out of the house by 9 am, I was UP and AT ‘EM. We would run errands, go to coffee shops, go to the library, go back and get him and go home.

But now, we walk three blocks and he is at school. Which is awesome. I love it. But there it is, 9 AM and we are three blocks from home and we don’t have to be back at school for six hours. There isn’t much to do but talk to the other moms about why they look so familiar to me. Fresco doesn’t want to stick around because there are no dogs allowed on school property. So we’re back home by 9:08.

OK yes, I will brush my teeth, but change my pants? Hmm.

I get it, now, yoga pants people. I am not yet one of you, but I get it.

(I fear it is a slippery slope, though. I will be ordering bonbons from the discount online bonbon store * any day now.)

* discount online bonbon store may not actually exist **

** but if it does, I will share the coupon codes with you.