Tuesday, August 23, 2011

It seems silly to write a day in the life post when my last post was kind of a summary of all our days but hey, ginger had a good idea and I’m joining.

6:05: Wake up, after a long night of waking up. My throat hurts. I have been fighting some stupid virus for five days. Mostly my symptoms are: tired. Sore throat on waking. Diagnosis: Lame-ass-Mom-Virus.

Sneak downstairs past the kids’ bedroom door, just in case they are sleeping. Hahahahahaha. No.

7:00: SA leaves for work. The kids petition for TV. I allow it. They watch Max and Ruby (Trombone watches it, while Fresco complains that he hates this show) while I tidy the kitchen, eat cereal, and check my twitter, facebook, and blogs. I stay away from news sites because the news, she is bad.

After TV, the kids eat four bowls each of Rice Krispies. We discuss what to do today. I am keen to get us out of the house because the day before, when it pissed rain for 8 hours, the kids spent a lot of time at our neighbour’s house and our neighbour fed them a steady diet of cookies, chocolate and TV (including commercials, which we don’t see at our house), after which the kids came home spouting nonsense about ladies wearing lipstick and boys having power and speed.

We decide that since we are invited to that neighbour kid’s birthday party on Saturday, we should go find him a birthday present. We also need a couple of small grocery items and have several items to return to both the Burnaby and New Westminster libraries. We agree to a car trip to Metrotown Mall, which has a Superstore and a Toys R Us, with brief stops at the libraries.

I shower while the children scream at each other outside the bathroom door. I think about how it’s hard to teach respectful communication to a five year old who just wants his younger brother out of his shit and how maybe the room sharing wasn’t the best idea and how there should be a way to modify the hitting and scratching and screaming and I wish I knew what that way was or maybe I should just get my job back and save up for boarding school.

Mental note: Almost out of Q-TIPS.

Get dressed. Kids were supposed to be getting themselves dressed but are still wearing pj shirts. Don’t care! Send them outside to play while I brush my teeth and gather snacks and library books. They beeline for the neighbour’s house. When I fetch them 10 minutes later, they are helping themselves to cookies from the counter. It is 9:30 am. I inform them that they will not be having any more treats until after supper.

I try to drive by the New Westminster library but the entirety of roads in our city are torn up for construction so I head for the Burnaby Library but that street is also torn up for construction so I say fuck it! And we go to Metrotown.

45 minutes later, after much deliberation at Toys R Us, we have purchased electronic Wolverine claws for our neighbour friend. Trombone is vibrating with excitement so I think this gift will probably be a hit. There are two adults picking through the Hot Wheels at Toys R Us whose body odour could strip the paint off a fighter jet and I wonder if this is because I spent ten minutes tweeting about my armpits this morning.

We navigate 8,000 shoppers to get from Toys R Us to Superstore. The electronic Wolverine claws are very bulky. The lineup at Superstore is long and grumpy and I remember that this is why I prefer to never shop at the Metrotown Superstore. The Coquitlam Superstore is so much better. The children argue about whether we should buy red or green grapes. Green wins. Fresco cries, even though he loves green grapes. I tell them it is time to go home. It is 12:00.

“We want a treat! We want a cheese bagel! We want ice cream!”

I drag the children, the grocery items, and the Wolverine claws home. We eat grilled cheese sandwiches, except for Fresco who only wants grapes. I make him also eat a peanut butter wrap. He picks the nuts out of the peanut butter. Never buying chunky peanut butter again, I swear to god.

We read “Mr Bump” and several pages of a Captain America comic and then I attempt to convince Fresco he should have a nap. He declines. I decide I will have a nap instead. The kids agree this is fine with them.

1:30: I go upstairs and put in earplugs and a pillow over my head. I can still hear them screaming and wrestling, from two floors away. Damn open plan. I go to the second floor and clear the floor of the playroom so I can do some yoga. If I can’t sleep I might as well stretch. I hear them outside the room, planning a sneak attack on “her” with their “death bombs.” I stretch my left foot out so it is holding the door shut. Breathe.

I make tea and talk to my mother on the phone. Fresco comes downstairs eating a chip. “Where did you get that?” I ask. “From your room,” he says. “I didn’t ask first.”

3:00: We get in the car and head to our friends’ house for a rare afternoon playdate. The library books are still in the trunk of the car. Both kids fall asleep on the 25 minute long car trip. When I stop the engine, Trombone jolts awake and says, “I remember this house!” He is looking at a different house. He insists it is our friends’ house, right up till the minute we are let in a different house, where our friends are. That, in a nutshell, is a five year old for you.

The kids play happily for 5 hours with the other kids. I talk with my friend. We eat dinner. SA joins us. It is all deeply awesome. At 8:30 we leave for home. We hear this conversation from the back seat approximately fifteen times:

“Hey there’s a star!”
“Is it moving? Because if it’s moving, it’s a plane.”
“It’s not moving. We’re moving.”
“It’s a plane.”
“No! It’s a star!”

I note that I am still not ready to take another road trip.

9:05: Kids go to bed, 90 minutes later than usual, not without complaining that they are not tired and it is too dark to read and snoooorrrre. SA goes to bed. I stay up for another half hour eating chips and hummus, reading the Internet. I find out that Lynda Barry has a tumblr. I go to bed smiling.

This entry was posted in and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Tuesday, August 23, 2011

  1. Megan says:

    Reading this post makes me realize that there is no right answer to the “When is the perfect time to have another kid?” conundrum.

    At first I’m thinking, “Hey, I’d like to be able to nap or do yoga while my kids entertain each other!” But then I’m all, “No, the screaming.” Then again, there will be screaming no matter when we have a second kid. I’m just delaying it, really.

    Oh, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t sleep OR do yoga. I’d do something stupid like read only the blogs that make me angry or clean something.

    • cheesefairy says:

      I generally do the same thing. I never even slept while the baby slept…whenever that was. Which is why it really bites that the once or twice a year that I”m all, yeah, I am REALLY TIRED, tired enough to waste 20 minutes sleeping, the kids are all, hahahahahaha! Sucker!

      And yes, there will be screaming. Turns out. Who knew?( Hahahahahaha! Sucker!)

  2. Cheryl says:

    Is it wrong that I laughed through that entire thing? Mostly because that will be us when R is older. I wish I could run away to do yoga, but I would probably do exactly what Megan said and read some ridiculous blog rant or another pseudo-political let’s rant about the dead guy column like I did yesterday. (What was that you said about the news?)

    • cheesefairy says:

      Yikes I hope that I don’t give the impression of being supermom doing her yoga or whatever..this is like 5 minutes, tops, of stretches. I don’t even change my clothes!

      And no, it is so, so right that you laughed through it. That’s what I try to do!

  3. Ginger says:

    I love this. I knew I could count on you to make this exercise into something utterly enjoyable to read (and laugh about).

    It also reinforces my idea that I wish we lived closer, because I think you’re my kind of parent…

  4. Joanna says:

    You summed up exactly what it’s like to have two boys! You’re just reminded me that I better go to bed so that we can start the marathon again tomorrow.

    Four bowls of Rice Crispies each? Really? Your boys are going to grow up big and strong!

    And breathe …

  5. This: “I stretch my left foot out so it is holding the door shut. Breathe.”

    HA. I love you so bad.

  6. EarnestGirl says:

    I am very sad about missing the armpit conversation.
    Wolverine claws sound like a VERY USEFUL ITEM.
    Hummus is a cure-all.
    You make me smile very hard.
    Congratulations. You got through the day with no casualties and more flexible ligaments. Well done!!!

  7. Metrotown Superstore. Scariest words ever. I avoid it at all costs. That was an exhausting day…but then they all are aren’t they?

  8. allison says:

    “In your room. I didn’t ask first.” Ha – the personification of guilelessness.

    Obviously I must follow you on Twitter now. My twitter stream is sadly devoid of armpit references.

    My son would have KILLED for Wolverine claws at that age.

  9. Perpetual Breadcrumbs says:

    So I have this idea that if I were to have another child, it would definitely be a boy, and if I want to have a girl (for any reason at all), I’ll have to have three children.

    I don’t even think this is physically possible at this point, but whatever. Boys. Because I already have the one. So if I have another one, there will be two boys. Our neighbors tell us that three (three!) boys is the perfect number of boys, because they pretty much take care of themselves. Like meerkats? Or something. I think they have Stockholm Syndrome, because both of them have a little bit of the Crazy Eye.