The Landlord Menace

We have now looked at two (2) apartments for rent. The funny story from the weekend viewing was the lack of walls in the apartment for view. See, the actual suite for rent was locked up tight. So the landlord showed us the one across the hall, which is an identical layout but is being renovated so there was a fair bit of squinting and imagining where the walls/stove/toilet/closet might be. Also, that place sang to me of cockroaches.

But today’s apartment was abso-gorgeous. 1,000 square feet. Bigger than hockey. It had no walls either, just windows, everywhere windows. You could see Japan, Whistler, Mt. Baker, back alleys and the CBC building. I could have watched the picket lines snake around my place of work from the bedroom. I could have Called In my Solidarity.

Also, there was laundry in the suite and a pool in the building.

As the first prospective tenants to view the suite, we were heady with priority. It is good to be first. On the recommendation of the man showing us the suite, we filled in an application form immediately and faxed it to the manager, who called shortly thereafter to ask some questions.

To be fair, the ad said no pets.
However, when we showed up to view the place, we had to stop and pet the dachshund that lives there. So.

So when the man said Any pets? I said yes. I said, We have a catt.
A catt? (as though it were a marauding iguana. as though half the population of the world does not see the value in a furry beastie to keep its toes warm. the collective toes of the world, yes.)
Yes.
Oh. A catt. (very disappointed. we showed such promise. a woman who works for the government and a man who is into computers. sigh.)
Yes.
Well. You might have to pay a pet deposit.
A what, now? (because I thought he was making it up. doesn’t it sound made up? like Idiot Tax? I made that up but you don’t see me trying to actually CHARGE anyone. anymore)
Pet deposit. Would that be okay?
How much is it? ($50? maybe?)
Half the month’s rent…(for those of you who are curious, this particular 2 br apt at the gateway to scenic Chinatown is going to set somebody back $1380.)
I’m sorry?
Half the month’s rent…($690)
Plus the damage deposit?($690)
Right…($1380)

I wish I had thought to say something witty. But having had a couple of hours to think it over, I’m convinced there is no witty response to a request for a pet deposit.

So I said, with as much indignation as was musterable,
I don’t think so.
Oh…you don’t want to pay the pet deposit (scratching pen noise, as he is writing this down)
No, that’s too much money…he’s only a catt (not a rottweiler, toddler, fish tank full of water, junkie, etc.)

Meanwhile, the catt was staring at me because a) it was SupperTime and b) he doesn’t want to move and c) sister, you are a Damn Fool if you believe that a man who charges you a pet deposit is not going to try to keep all your money at the end of this adventure. I agreed. I petted the catt and told him he could continue to make his deposits in the litterbox for the time being.

We will keep looking.