Well, we had a wasps’ nest on our back deck for a while. The wasps just flew around and didn’t bother us much, they were busy taking food in, having meetings, whatever. But time went by and people told us horror stories; how wasps’ nests can grow to the size of a MAN (a big man? a little man?) and how the longer you leave them to grow, the meaner the wasps get, especially if there’s a queen and how nothing would work to get rid of them, not poison, not incense, not incantations, only an exterminator would do.
We looked at the home depot and the rona and the other store and the other other store and all those places had the same Flying Insect Wasp and Hornet Killer and all the FIWHK told us to do was get in there, cowboy, and soak the nest with poison, well great except the nest is hidden in the awning of the porch roof and if we could see the nest then we could see if it was as big as a man or not and then decide how to proceed and if we had to soak said nest, what were the odds of us getting close enough to do so without getting stung to within an inch of our admittedly boring but still precious to us lives?
So we told our landlord. He gave us a can of FIWHK and we sprayed in the general direction of the wasps and they died. And then our landlord caulked the crack and now there are two sad, confused wasps that come by every couple of hours, flying slowly and sideways by, going “hey where’s our queen? wasn’t there a door here? dammit we didn’t even get PAID for this job!”
So: Happy ending! But while we were talking & thinking wasp, I got to googling and I found W.A.S.P Nation which is, predictably, a site about the band W.A.S.P (remember? from school? stands for “we are sexually perverted?” at least it did at my school?) which is funny enough on its own.
Ha ha. W.A.S.P. Loooosers.
But wait! My timing is impeccable…or maybe the wasps outside were messengers. Because W.A.S.P has just released a new album this year, called “The Neon God.” It’s
hold on, now
PART ONE
of a TWO PART
CONCEPT ALBUM.
Now, concept albums have always made me laugh. Usually because they remind me of Prog and Prog is fun to say. Also I think of RUSH and RUSH makes me laugh. Also, get a life.
But then I went on to read about “The Neon God” because it was just so darn shiny and plus I couldn’t remember if W.A.S.P was one of those crappy Christian hard rock bands or if I was just associating their stripes with Stryper
[who, incidentally, have a greater love for acronyms than my current employer. Witness:
“Stryper stands for Salvation Through Redemption Yielding Peace, Encouragement and Righteousness. The Isaiah 53:5 under their logo is the bible verse that states “by His stripes we are healed”. The band earned their stripes on the Los Angeles metal club circuit and in 1984, after recruiting bass player Tim Gaines, signed with Enigma Records and released their debut mini-album, The Yellow And Black Attack (Y&BA).
Their first full-length release, Soldiers Under Command (SUC), sold over half a million units worldwide in the eighties…the ballad “Honestly” from their platinum selling 1986 release To Hell With The Devil (THWTD) hit the Top-40 charts…1988 saw the near-platinum release of In God We Trust (IGWT)…”
Who calls their first album “SUC”? STRYPER.]
But I digress. Turns out W.A.S.P is not a crappy Christian band. They just take themselves very very seriously.
Here, the first, terrible paragraph of The Neon God Pt.1 press release:
“Why am I here?
That question of describing the compelling fascination of hearing a new W.A.S.P. album likewise serves to define the magnitude of contemplative passion, as narrated by The Neon God. The first of a two-part conceptual album, Part I – The Rise begins to distinguish what will possibly be regarded as the most ambitious work of a prolific career that has distanced an abundance of varied creative expression. Controversy ignited by the reactionary firestorm of “Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)” prompted Capitol Records to preclude the track from the debut W.A.S.P. album twenty years ago. But the notorious success of that song as an independent single, paired with a visually extreme stage show, would constrictively define the band for its first several years, until the witch hunt of moralist congressional hearings – ultimately masking distinct political ambition – provoked an affirmation of stylistic diversity. That impact was demonstrative as a more conscious lyrical commentary, driven by the intensity of a harder musical edge, resulting in the release of The Headless Children in 1989.”
It’s just so much fun! It’s like my catt wrote it! If my catt was in first year university, trying his paw at longish essays but too hopped up on beer and naked girl catts in his dorm room to actually pay attention so just copying words out of Maclean’s and The Globe and Mail and hoping his prof wouldn’t notice.
Oh and also if my catt thought “Spinal Tap” was real.
Let’s read that first line again:
“That question of describing the compelling fascination of hearing a new W.A.S.P. album likewise serves to define the magnitude of contemplative passion, as narrated by The Neon God.”
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
OK enough reprinting the website. Go read it yourself. And don’t forget the lyrics page.
And then, today I find out: W.A.S.P is coming to Vancouver! I cannot believe my incredible luck. They are playing at the Fabulous Commodore. Only $25! Who’s with me?
PS: You might not have time to go to the website. I know. So here:
“Meant to be indicative of the commonality of the human psyche that questions its own necessity of purpose, the instigational intent of The Neon God is a challenge of introspection within an ambiance of the societal conception of its own false messiahs. Opening one’s mind reveals The Neon God to be the story of a focal character as a euphemism for individual humanity.”