Four Year Olds Actually Travel Quite Well

I don’t mean to scare everyone with children into never road tripping with those children. Your children might be fine! Your mileage may vary! Your car may be air conditioned!

The main problem with our ambitious (that’s code for stupid) (as in, ignorant because now we know better) itinerary was one thing: Fresco.

Fresco is almost 2.5 years old. Fresco likes:

– unlimited fruit
– jumping
– anything Trombone is playing with
– talking
– Laughing Cow cheese, right up till when he takes it out of the package, then he doesn’t like it anymore
– our cat
– pinching, biting and hitting when he’s mad
– threatening to pinch, bite and hit when he’s mad
– throwing things when he’s hungry
– howling like a stuck monkey when he’s the slightest bit frustrated
– popsicles
– dinosaurs
– NO NOT DINOSAURS. ONLY CATS.
– swimming
– NO NOT SWIMMING WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

You see. Capricious, tempermental, short attention span, confined spaces. Which of these things just doesn’t belong.

Trombone spent hours in the car – not in a row, but totaled up – examining Where’s Waldo books. Lucky we bought 8 at Value Village before we left. When he dozed in the car, which was not often, he would often wake up cranky and crying but he would just as often wake up quiet and contemplative and say things like, “That cloud looks like a dinosaur head. And I would like some crackers, please.”

Fresco spent five minutes looking at a book and then threw it to the floor of the car and then cried because he had no book anymore and then snatched the book out of Trombone’s hand and then threw it at my head and then cried because I wouldn’t give it back and then slumped down in his seat and started howling and then started undoing his seatbelt. Oh good. We’re going 120 km/hr and you’re undoing your seatbelt.

There were three times it was good to travel with Fresco:

– while he was sleeping
– while he was watching his favourite movie, Baby McDonald, which, at 30 minutes in length, is about 400 minutes too short
– while he sang his peculiar mashups of the songs in his head. IE: Bob the builder / little star / how I wonder / can we build it / yes we can / and his bucket full of / dinosaurs!

Other than that, he acted his age. If you have ever met a 2.5 year old, you know what I mean and I am sorry, here’s a tissue. You also know that trapping one and restraining it in a moving vehicle is a dumb ass thing to do.

Fear not, in other words; if you have a Trombone-style child or your children are older than 3, your vacation should go fine. I mean, it won’t be much like a vacation in the sense that you are taking your work with you, but neither will you find yourself considering duct tape for purposes not on the label. Probably.

Here, random dinosaur picture!