Nu Cheese

Last week we bought a cheese called “Suicidally Hot Horseradish Monterey Raifort” made by a company called The Village Cheese Co. The website uses frames so I can’t link to the page with the recipe of the month, but it’s worth checking out. Um, go to the “our cheese” section, then to the “cheese of the month” and then find the “recipe of the month.” Tuna Salad Cones. You heard me.

I like this part too:

Treat the kids “or yourself” to a heaping cone of ice cream. Then take a seat in our cozy cafe with a freshly brewed cappucino and a slice of juicy apple pie. And don’t forget to top it off with a dollop of ice cream cream or a slice of Village Cheddar.

I refuse to comment on the quotation marks. My carpal tunnel can’t handle it. But holy mackerel, it’s like the opposite of fat camp. Or what fat camp really should be. ROAD TRIP!

So the Suicidally Hot Horseradish Monterey cheese is quite tasty indeed, with a definite horseradish burr to it and a mild Monterey creamy around it, but it’s not even In-A-Kind of-Blue-Mood hot. It’s more like Damn-I-Missed-My-Bus-Hot. The end.

Today we went to Chilliwack. Chilliwack is nice because there is cow-smell and Wal-Mart and Value Village, although we didn’t make it to Value Village because we went to Chilliwack by way of Agassiz which, in a nutshell, is the Long Way. (It took us two hours to get there and one hour to get home because Saint Aardvark drove there and he likes the scenic route and I drove back and I prefer the highway, where I can drive really fast and stick my head out the window like a dog.) But we did make it to Wal-Mart and also to a store next door to Wal-Mart called “Deep Discount” or “Incredible Cheap” or something; claiming to be Canada’s best dollar store, I think? It wasn’t the best dollar store I’ve been to, though it did have straw hats for $0.99 but they were made for tiny heads and my head is not tiny – it is HUGE and full of FUN THINGS!

Anyway, the Deep Shiny Discount Place did provide us with three amusing Items.

The first is an American Flag tea towel, which we will be mailing to our British friends. We mail them American Tackiness on a regular basis. They have receieved eagle statuettes, sand dollars printed with the American National Anthem, and many, many postcards expressing more patriotic sentiment than a 4th of July ABC Special. It looks pretty much like you’d imagine it.

The second item is an Money Belt. It looks like this:

The Travel Parrot is one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen (and bear in mind that we had already been to Wal-Mart by the time we made its acquaintance). It looks brown in the picture, but actually it is “skin tone” – in the same way that polyester knickers that come up to your chin and down to your knees and cost $1.00 are skin tone. It claims to have an additional layer of super absorbent woven material which is kind to the skin and absorbs perspiration. Ew. I didn’t want to think about the skin tone Travel Parrot actually touching my skin.

And the third item is an apron. It looks like this:

Does it not contain all the qualities you want in an apron? Hell, it contains qualities I want in my friends and co-workers too. Particularly the Smellless part. Three Ls!

Side note: I own a trinket called “comic turtle,” which is an adorable plastic turtle on a plastic lily pad. On its box, comic turtle insists it is “non-toxic.” Back in the Day, I made everyone I knew take turns licking comic turtle BECAUSE THEY COULD.

We did not, however, purchase any Sweet Chilliwack Corn, which is a pity because I have a new favourite way of eating corn on the cob.

Remove husk & silk & bugs & whatnot.
Boil it for 7 minutes,
Wrap it in foil with butter, salt and pepper,
Put it on the barbecue until the other food you’re barbecueing is done.
Mm.

It may not seem like much, but it really makes a difference to cook the corn with the butter & salt & pepper…it is juicier and more flavourful and Mm.

If you don’t have a barbecue, send me an email and I will invite you over for corn. I need a reason to clean the house anyway.