Strapped for gift ideas?

Give the gift of sock puppet oil paintings! Link via boing boing.net which is, in itself, a way cool site.

Y’know how some folks say “props” as in “yo -props to you, G, you got the Magic Stick!”? I think we should say “nipples”. Nipples are way more rare than props. Hell, anyone can have a prop; the TV is full of them. That squeaky voiced woman on Will and Grace? Prop. How about Rick Mercer’s anti-American shtick? Prop. But nipples? Hardly anyone has them! They must be removed when you enter Fame and kept in a safe for the duration of your stay. You get them back when you leave.

(“Here you go, Ms. Love.”
“Those aren’t mine, you fuckwad! Those are Christina Aguilera’s! Look, the tag is still on them!”
“Oh, sorry. Thought you ordered the upgrade.”)
(Courtney, I love you.)

The elusive nipple is obviously as valuable as a truffle, as enviable as a good sense of comedic timing, as precious as our next generation. Why else would its evidence in our role models be hidden from us? Are his wife’s nipples the real items for which W. was searching in Iraq? Maybe they are so powerful that if we saw them on celebrities, we would be woken to truths which might lead to our abandonment of celebrity culture and our duties as consumers.

Bring back the nipple! I know it has a story to tell.