What Up?

Events since my last post, in approximate chronological order:

– I was all achy and fluey and capped off Wednesday night by having to go to bed at 8:30 A MERE HALF AN HOUR into America’s Next Top Circus Sideshow to lie, shaking, shivering and finally sweating through a bad ass fever, too ill to even read the horrendous piece of “youkilledtreesforthis?” chick lit I got from the library last week, (and I quote, “He sent me an IM (Instant Message) on my computer.”) alls-the-while squeezing at my left breast, trying to tell if it felt lumpy, bumpy, sore or otherwise like mastitis. Eventually, after enough squeezing, it felt all of those things. Kind of like when you’re wondering if you’re pregnant so you keep poking your boobs to see if they’re tender because tender boobs means pregnant and eventually you can’t tell if you have just bruised yourself from all the poking or if they really are tender.

– With the fever, I didn’t get much sleep on Wednesday night. Fresco also woke up frequently to check on me and make sure I was OK. What a great baby.

– Thursday we went to our last toddler dance class and I realized that Trombone was sick with a cold or flu. Began to think maybe I had the beginnings of that, not mastitis. Soldiered on to Ikea with my mom and Fresco because I wanted cheap lunch. Ate a bowl of chili and garlic bread which was good, but cold. Why is the food there always cold?

– Sicker and snottier Trombone grew. I began to feel normal again, breast tenderness subsiding, crazy sleep deprivation (requirement: 4 cups of coffee) changing back to just normal tired (1.5 cups of coffee). Cooked frozen lasagna for dinner. Went to bed.

– Saturday Fresco got up at 4:55 am. Trombone got up at 6:ish. SA and I were giddy with something; he made muffins and I had energy. We went to the library and home again and then Fresco started sneezing. Which is very cute. Babies sneezing is one of the cutest things in the whole world.

– We had borrowed two kids’ movies from the library and Trombone was allowed to watch one before lunch. He decided not to nap because the sooner his nap ended, the sooner he could watch the second movie. This happens EVERY TIME we get two movies from the library. We are idiots. Toddler is king.

– SA decided to try his week-old homebrewed beer. It tasted surprisingly good. He poured a glass of it and took a picture and then knocked the glass off the coffee table onto the rug below where it shattered and splattered and rendered the rug (already several years old and quite, er, utilitarian in appeal) throw-out-able.

– We were feeling extra cocky, having kept our tempers about us all day despite little sleep and the two sick children and the no nap fiasco and the shattered glass and beer on the hardwood floor, so we decided to go to WalMart! At 3 pm on a Saturday afternoon, the week before Halloween! With a toddler who had no nap and an infant who was coming down with a cold! To buy a new rug and some heavy beer steins that will not shatter even if we beat them with sledgehammers.

– We got away with it, too. Dear Parent Club: that is negative reinforcement.

– We also bought two more potties, that we might have potties everywhere in preparation for uh, nothing. Nothing to see here. Look away.

– And chips. We bought chips.

– Sunday we stayed in and enjoyed our new rug and our chips. We wiped noses and butts and made chili.

– And now – very abruptly! – it is the last week of October and congratulations! You have at least pretended to read this entire dull post! As your reward, please to answer:

1. Does anyone have any advice about potty training? Even if you are child-free, I want to hear it.

(Ha ha I doubt it, right? It’s not one of those things people have opinions about or anything?)

(Right now my opinion is EVERY POOP IN ITS RIGHT PLACE and so. I am preparing. Battening. Purchasing Thomas the Tank Engine underpants so that they might get shat on, even if this causes a lifetime of trauma. [However I will not be documenting it here. Because that is where I draw my line.])

2. Do I have it in me to post every day in November? I sure do like looking at my archives and seeing at least one month with more than 15 posts in it. On the other hand; blood, stone, etc.