Can’t Go Over It. Can’t Go Under It. Can’t Go Around It. Gotta Go Through It.

Welcome to tonight’s episode of “Who’s Crazier: Tyra or Trombone?”

Hi there, Miss Tyra! Miss Tyra! why are you shrieking? Oh, the models are not fierce enough? You were hoping they would be fiercer? Well, maybe with a bit more guidance – Miss Tyra! Please! No more shrieking! The models are frightened! They’re stampeding!

***

And good evening Trombone! What’s that? You want to watch a movie? Yes, no? Yesno? Yes or no? Which movie? This movie? OK! This – wait – the other movie? The other – which movie? Why are you shrieking? You wanted THAT movie? Yes? No? Trombone, yes and no mean TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

Round one: Trombone wins!

Miss Tyra. Yes, I’m talking to you. Yes, I did buy this shirt myself. No, I like it the way it is, thanks. I think it’s plenty fierce. Hey! Stop tearing my shirt! Stop it! What do you mean I’d make a good platinum blonde? Are you blind? I have an olive complexion! Here, chew on this supermodel jerky. Just get a good gnaw on and you’ll feel better. OW! Not my shoulder! Jesus!

***

Trombone. Would you like some supper? Yesno? What does that mean? Would you like some ham? Cheese? Kiwi? Nothing? Not hungry? YES, you are hungry? OK, so what would you like? Trombone, “No way no way” Is Not a Food.

Round two: Miss Tyra wins!

Miss Tyra: Hel-looo…you didn’t shave your armpit! A razor is a dollar…retouching a photo is like a thousand bucks…
Model: I don’t shave…
Miss Tyra: You MUST SHAVE or WE WILL DESTROY YOU
Model: OK, I will next time…
Miss Tyra: You don’t really want this. If you really wanted this you would NOT HAVE A HAIRY ARMPIT!! GIRL!!
Model: I can go shave right now? If you want?
Miss Tyra: All we ask in this profession is that you show up clean and shaved. SHAVED.

***

Trombone: NO WAY!
Me: No way what.
Trombone: No bath! No towel! No clean! No toys! More toys! More bath!
Me: No money. No problems.
Trombone: YOU ARE MOCKING ME!
Me: YES!
Trombone: I am going to cry at random intervals while I pour water on myself in an otherwise happy fashion!
Me: I am going to wash your face anyway!
Trombone: I am going to shriek like Tyra Banks and her model contestants for no apparent reason!
Me: I am going to think about all the alcohol I will be drinking in approximately 1.5 months and try not to think about that fact that I made ANOTHER ONE OF YOU!
Trombone: Ouch.
Me: Yeah.

Round three: Tyra, hands down.

And match goes to – MISS TYRA! But I suspect that is only because she has about 35 years more experience.

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8 Responses to Can’t Go Over It. Can’t Go Under It. Can’t Go Around It. Gotta Go Through It.

  1. Joanna says:

    Hilarious! It’s the battle of the T’s. I’m betting Trombone will take Tyra in the next round. Oh, and I think “yesno” is a word, isn’t it? I seem to hear it daily around here.

  2. Anonymous says:

    At least Trombone has hairless armpits. I mean, that’s what I’m assuming….

  3. i, squub says:

    Holy crap. This is some damned funny. My 15 month old daughter has been doing that. “yesyesyesyesyes” when she means “no,” or “nonononono” when she means no, or yes, or nodding vigorously while saying no, or yes, or shaking her head, and her whole body while saying no, or yes. Are we having a conversation? and the screaming.

    She’s not shaving her armpits yet though.

  4. Shelley says:

    I vaguely recall being quite confused about the entire yesno issue when I was pretty darn little. Go Trombone… you can kick that supamodel butt anytime 🙂

  5. p-man says:

    This was like an unplanned trip to the inside of my head.

  6. abbersnail says:

    Oh, I really needed that belly laugh. Thank you.

  7. sarah says:

    I remember my younger daughter turning purple in the face, grabbing something back from her older sister and bellowing, “YOURS!”

  8. Phil says:

    This is the funniest shizzle I’ve read all week. Thank you.

    Phil