Sabotage!

Here are the interview questions that I wanted to ask the woman that was hired to replace me:

What is 7 am Pacific time in Ontario time?

(even if you use your fingers to count or count out loud, that’s fine)
(note: “coffee break time” is an acceptable answer, as is “Timmy’s time”)

What would you do if someone asked you why his computer kept erasing the text as he was typing?

(acceptable answers include, “Tell him it’s God’s will,” and “Tell him he should probably go get a coffee.”)

How do you handle repetitive questions?

Do you have any experience with deeply dysfunctional humans?

Are YOU a deeply dysfunctional human, albeit one who sees her own flaws as well as those around her?

Can you lift a jug of water onto the water cooler?

(Ideally ‘yes,’ though it is also acceptable to whine incessantly about how thirsty you are until someone else does it. Or to do it whilst heavily pregnant so that people feel guilty.)

How do you deal with repetitive questions?

Situation: The photocopier says “call for service.” What do you do?

What would you do if someone asked you why his computer kept erasing the text as he was typing?

How do you handle repetitive questions?

Today my replacement, let’s call her Jojo, starts and I will begin training her. I will never again sit alone at my desk, picking at my toes and making faces at my computer. Well, I haven’t been able to comfortably pick at my toes in months but in theory, I would have been doing it all this time.

Jojo seems like a nice woman. It’s a miracle that she will have 3 weeks to train with me before I go; at my office, usually replacements are not found until several months after people leave their jobs. If she is quick to pick up the job, maybe I will leave work earlier than my promised March 28th. I am not counting on this, not because I don’t think she is smart, but because she is coming from the Outside.

Someday, maybe, I will go into the intricacies of my workplace and how they beat you down like a bowl of fresh eggs, but not while I’m still working there. I work in the public service. She is coming from the private sector. There is a steep learning curve. Steep like the hills of San Francisco and icy like a mountain highway. And lined with killer goats.

Everything in that last paragraph is an understatement.

I have no idea where to start training someone like Jojo. Sharing my psychological assessments of the other people in the office is probably best saved for next week, though, right?