Could One of You Nice People Please Go to Medical School? Thanks!

Wednesday, August 16th
phone rings, Dr. Dude’s office

Receptionist: Dr Dude’s office?
Me: Is Dr Dude still taking new patients? I saw on the College of Physicians and Surgeons website that he is…
Receptionist: Er, yes?
Me: Great! I would like to become his patient –
Rec: Just you?
Me: No; me, my husband and my son –
Rec: Hmm, OK, I will just take your name and birthdays
I give names and ages of the three of us
Rec: And do you have any chronic diseases?
Me: Not that I know of – ha ha
Rec: ….
Me: Uh, no.
Rec: OK. And you all have health cards?
Me: Yes
Rec: OK. I will give your information to Dr. Dude? And he will review it. And if he decides to accept you, we will call you within the next week.
Me: Um. OK.
Rec: If you don’t hear from us within a week, of course you can call us and find out if we are accepting you.
Me: Wow – um – OK.

Tuesday, August 22nd
Telephone rings, our house

Rec: Hi! You applied to be a new patient of Dr. Dude?
Me: Yes!
Rec: He will accept you.
I wipe my brow with the back of my hand. Whew! That sarcastic sweat really stings when it gets in your eye!
Me: Terrific news.
Rec: So, you can call back any time to make an appointment. Goodbye –
Me: Can I make one now?
Rec: OK…
Me: OK, well, my son is almost 2 months old and I’d like to bring him in for his vaccinations as well as to meet Dr. Dude.
Rec: OK, 2 month vaccinations…how about next Tuesday morning?
Me: The 29th? Sure.

Monday, August 28th 4:30 pm
Telephone rings, our house

Rec: Hi, this is Dr. Dude’s office
Saint Aardvark: Yes…
Rec: Well turns out we made an appointment for you for tomorrow morning? But we don’t take new patients in the morning. So can we reschedule you for the afternoon?
SA: OK. How about Friday.
Rec: Sure! Friday at 1:30, see you then.

Friday, September 1st, 1:30 pm

There is a television on the wall in Dr. Dude’s waiting room. The screen reads: “Unusable Signal.” The sticker on the bottom of the television monitor reads: “DO NOT ADJUST. CALL 1 800 XXXXXXX for SERVICE.”

Friday, September 1st, 2:00 pm

Nurse brings us a baby scale and we weigh Trombone. 14 lbs 2 oz!

Friday, September 1st, 2:10 pm

Doctor Dude: What brings you here?
Me: Well, Trombone here is 2 months and we would like him to be vaccinated, plus we don’t have a family doctor and we were thinking you might be our family doctor –
DD: Okay, first I’ll get a history from you guys…
to SA: Are you healthy?
SA: Pretty much. I do have this backache but it’s going away with repeated heat and ibuprofen –
DD: So you’re healthy?
SA: Yeah, pretty much.
DD: No asthma or hepatitis or anything like that?
SA: Good god, no.

DD to me: So you’re pretty healthy?
Me: Yes.

Doctor Dude examines Trombone thoroughly.

DD: He is quite healthy.
Me: Yep, so far so good.
DD: So, about the vaccinations…
Me: Yes?
DD: Well, we don’t actually do them here. So you’ll have to take him to a public health clinic? You might have to make an appointment
Me: O…K
DD: Do you have –
Me: Yeah, I have the number for my public health clinic
DD: You might have to make an appointment
Me: Yeah yeah yeah thanks.
DD: Now I’ll just get your weights and blood pressure…hold on a minute.

Nurse comes back with grown-up size scale and weighs us while Dr. Dude goes into an exam room across the hall and closes the door.

Nurse: OK – you’re done..
Me: Do you want to take our blood pressure?
Nurse: Oh, um, did he say he was going to do that?
Me: Yes
Nurse: Just wait here, I’m sure he’ll be back.
we wait for one minute. Trombone is hungry by now & a little grumpy.
Me to SA: The meter is out of money. Let’s just go.
We run into Dr. Dude in the hall. He gives us his card. He appears to have forgotten about our blood pressure.

This is how we felt afterwards.