I have a few um – baseball caps – is that what you call them if they are constructed with no hope of ever being worn to a baseball game? I mean, there are hats that are obviously baseball hats: Little Women League; Bob’s Tackle Football, NY Yankees, etcetera. But the hats I have are not intended for baseball. One hat says “Minnesota DNR” which I’m told stands for “Department of Natural Resources” but I’m not fooled; I watch ER; obviously it’s DO NOT RESUSCITATE so I’m not wearing that hat out of the house, let alone to a baseball field where I might get struck by a stray ball or someone’s angry metal bat. No sir.
I got struck with a stray aardvark one time and lookit me!
Do you need a book to read? Maybe you would like to read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. It was the first book in months to totally absorb me on the bus and in other crowded places. By the time I was at the end of the book, I had forgotten the characters from the beginning in a delicious sort of way, like they were my own ancestors whom I had not thought about in a while.
Three guesses what this is:
The coconut was disappointing; we bought it and it sat in the fruit bowl for several weeks like a giant testicle while we ate the apples and bananas and oranges from around it. Finally we hacked into it, which wasn’t as easy as it looks in Cuba when they make you delicious rum coconut drinks and hack the coconuts in half with machetes while smiling and calling you “lovely.” Then we scraped all the flesh out, which was even more work than opening a can of coconut milk with a tetchy dollar-store can opener. Yii. Then the grating. Then the disgusted “I’m throwing the rest of this away. It’s not worth it.” Poor, sad coconut. But the eventual curry was quite tasty. And we have pictures to remind us how silly coconuts are. Unless you’re trapped on a desert island and you’re naked and you can make one of those coconut shell bikinis PLUS you can have a cocktail. Then they’re not silly, but a staple, like peanut butter.
Birds flit around my parents’ backyard and eat the budding cherries from the cherry tree. A few years ago, the giant cherry tree only yielded four cherries that were not eaten by bugs or birds by the time they were ripe. Those were four very tasty cherries.
Apparently, if your catt has dandruff, (how embarrassing!) you can add oil to his food in small doses and the dandruff will go away. Seamus wasn’t so impressed with his oily food until he realized that it was food! Oil is also food! And then he ate it.
Here’s a tip from a woman at work: any wine from 1998 is good. She’s from Quebec. I don’t have a picture of her, but she has naturally curly hair and is tall.
Jacob, the clothing store, sells bras. They come in Small, Medium and Large. At Jacob, I am a Large size bra. I think the little people are running the clothing factories.
Oh, speaking of models? Could the next season of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL start sooner? I am ready.
Hey! This is my window at work:
Sometimes I just look out my window and watch the clouds float by and the shadows move across the buildings as the sun moves across the sky. And! this week I saw pigeons mating. Why is it called doggie style and not pigeon style, that’s what I want to know.
Lastly: pen porn . Go nuts, googlers.(which spellcheck suggests should be “go oglers.” Exactly.)
