My Cat Has Been Scratching At His Litterbox for 10 Minutes Now. So I Write This. And No, There’s No Medical Problem. He Just Does this. Every Day.

I think it would be better
if the cats of the world were not so neurotic
if they could have calm hearts like labrador retrievers
if they could see that the world exists to please them
and that they need not worry.

people say cats are independent
that they like their solitude
that they don’t need people.
by these definitions, I am a cat person.
excepting I have never encountered a cat like this
well, only one, and he moved out
– seriously –
I miss him still.

maybe it’s just the cats I’ve met
but I have never once had the feeling
that a cat is at peace.
they are always pacing, scratching, turning in circles
weaving tails through my legs
nosing my face, reminding me about dinner,
jumping from counter to floor, floor to couch, couch to counter,
staring at me intently
because I might move suddenly
and then what? o god! anything could happen!

despite the ongoing history of me
having never once murdered a cat
(or even beat one [very hard])
my own cat’s damaged past
prevents him from trusting me
and this, unreasonably,
makes me resentful,
which he senses
and then internalizes,
causing him to behave like a
young child with Issues.
I adopted a mouser! Not a troubled kid
who will steal my car at 13
and hide food under his bed!

(Not that those children don’t need love.
But I would never adopt one because I
know my emotional limits.)

I swear, there should be
a DSM IV for cats
because then I could get a job
medicating and counselling them
and maybe then
a few more of them could relax a little
maybe bat around a toy mouse
and idly lick themselves clean
without a care in the world.